What does it mean to be a mum who prioritises her wellbeing, happiness and career above family and kids? It means being a fulfilled and happy mother who is able to transmit all those #wins to her loved ones.
What does it mean to be a mum who prioritises her wellbeing, happiness and career above family and kids? It means being a fulfilled and happy mother who is able to transmit all those #wins to her loved ones.
#ColleenFrancisca 37
Founder of Francisca Dessert Parlour and a skincare formulator, mother of two
WHY IS BEING #MEFIRST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
Balance is important to me, as being a mum and having a business on the side can get overwhelming at times. I liken it to filling up my cup first, so if my cup is full, then the family is happy. If it’s running low, what do I have to offer anyone else?
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE A #MEFIRSTMUM?
I’m an introvert, so it takes a lot of energy for me to be out there in the world with the kids. I really appreciate the little slots of time throughout the day that I put aside for myself. Something I’ve changed in my routine is trying to wake up before anyone else in the house. It’s lovely because it’s calm and quiet, and I have that time for myself to have a hot cup of coffee, finish it, and plan my day.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE JUDGED FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
I don’t think anyone has done that, or at least they haven’t told me. But I feel that judgment from other mums has to stop. Do what feels right for you and your family. If that means spending every single minute with your children, go ahead. But if that doesn’t work for another mum and her family, let her live her life.
#PriscillaTan 32
Director of coal trading, mother of two
WHY IS BEING #MEFIRST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
There’s this saying that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of myself before I can take care of others is important to me. Mothers seem to be designed to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their children and their family, and I believe that the family deserves the best version of their mother. What I’m trying to say is that we have to love ourselves first so that we can love others better.
WHAT DO YOU NE0ED TO BE A #MEFIRST MUM?
Support from the people around me. Ever since I became a mother, the idea of having private time seemed almost impossible. Which is why I told myself I’d have to carve out my own me time.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE JUDGED FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
I’m a mother. I’m human. I feel that as long I’m raising my children to be kind, happy and healthy, I’m going down the right path.
Five years ago, I had a business opportunity that would require me to travel to Kuala Lumpur and Jakarta for the greater part of each week. I felt it was something I should not miss. One of the things that influenced my decision was the invaluable experience I would get working in a very different environment from what I was used to.
My son was nine years old then, but I felt that I would be happier if I took the opportunity, and my happiness would be important in my parenting endeavours. I reckoned that my husband Ivan was very much a hands-on father who would take Alex to school as well as amuse him daily, so there was no secondguessing myself.
Sacrificing my own career would have made me absolutely miserable and would have made me a lesser individual.
I believe that children are a reflection of ourselves. When they are happy, we have succeeded as parents. And if we are in a better frame of mind, we are in a much better position to resolve problems we may face. Nora Lim, 34, regional manager of a beauty brand, says that “being ‘me first’ to me means that my happiness is non-negotiable, because I really do believe that a happy mum produces happy children”.
So over the next four years between 2014 and 2018, it was #mefirst. I shuttled around Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and Jakarta. I saw my family just two days a week. The drill: gone on Tuesday, back on Saturday. The family was complete from Sunday for 48 hours before I had to fly off again.
Did I neglect Alex? I don’t think so. The weekends were well spent with him, and during the week, I would call daily to check on him – I could Skype him every day. Perhaps I missed hugging him, but weekends were especially rewarding, when I could finally do so.
It was also important that Alex should see his mother as an individual with every right to pursue her own passions and dreams, just as he would later in life as an adult. I wanted him to understand as a child that while he was important, he was not always the centre of the universe – even as an only child.
Priscilla Tan, 32, a director of coal trading, feels that children deserve the best version of their mothers, but support is required: “I’m not apologetic for meeting my own needs. Yes, I’m a mother. I’m human. [I decided to] enter the Mrs Singapore Planet beauty pageant last year, and the schedule was insane. When I talked to my husband about it, his reply to me was, ‘it’s okay, don’t quit, don’t do things halfway, don’t worry. I can handle the rest. You can do this’.”
Teh May Wan, 37, a veejay and actress, considers her own sound mind a priority. “I personally feel that when I have some time to myself, I can become a better mother,” she says. “What really energises my soul is when I’m out with my best friends, having a nice lunch or a coffee or wine. It’s refreshing to have adult conversations, [and not just] ‘have you eaten, have you gone to the toilet, have you done your homework?’.”
So whether it’s adult conversations, career trajectory, or plain peace of mind, it’s okay to prioritise. I feel that my decision to put myself first has made me a more wellrounded individual. It doesn’t make me any less of a parent. In fact, it has made me a better mother as I am happier and more fulfilled. Focusing on oneself is so important as it could lead you to where you want to go as a person and enable you to achieve your life goals. It’s all #winwin. – CVM
#TehMayWan 37
Veejay, emcee, actress, host, mother of two
WHY IS BEING #MEFIRST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
I think it’s very important for every mum to take time out for herself. Some may view this as selfish, but I personally feel that when I have some time to myself, I can become a better mother. So if you feel you need to go out and have a quick lunch with your girlfriends, a spa day or even a night out, do it. I always feel that it’s so good for the soul.
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE A #MEFIRST MUM?
I go out with my friends and have a nice lunch or coffee or wine.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE JUDGED FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
Everyone who knows me very well would know that I’m 100 per cent devoted to my children. But I feel that when you have kids, your life doesn’t have to revolve around them. They’re my new normal, but I do not stop my life for them. I just need some time to be me. I’m also an adult, I’m also a woman, and I need to go out and feel good about myself.
#NoraShereenLim 34
Regional manager of a global cosmetics brand, mother of one
WHY IS BEING #MEFIRST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
I really want to raise my daughter in an inspiring and positive environment. I want to be happy first so that she can be happy as well.
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE A #MEFIRST MUM?
I definitely need support. My mother-in-law takes care of Hope every day when I’m at work, and my mum is always ready to help whenever I need her to. Because I have so many things going on, my husband is always dedicated to making sure that I’m well taken care of. Be it simple words of affirmation and care or encouraging me to go on adventures, he gives me his full support. And I constantly remind myself to live in the moment and enjoy every precious moment I have. It’s not about quantity, but about quality time.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE JUDGED FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
I actually look up to a lot of women around me who are stay-at-home mums, and I have never once felt their judgment about the quantity of time I spend with Hope. I think it’s really important to surround yourself with positive people so that you don’t feel that they’re judging you unnecessarily.
#JasmineGan 39
Head of marketing at Arts House Ltd, mother of two
WHY IS BEING #MEFIRST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
Head of marketingat Arts House Ltd,mother of two Women are conditioned to sacrifice, so we tend to put everyone else’s needs before ours. I realised that in order to be a good mother, I would need to prioritise myself as well as reconnect with myself and who I want to be.
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO BE A #MEFIRST MUM?
I have a very good support system in my husband and family. Whenever I need a couple of hours to run personal errands, I’ll talk to my husband and my parents to ask if they can step in. I also formed a mummy tribe with my girlfriends. When we arrange for play dates, that’s when I reconnect with the mums and engage in adult conversations.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU’RE JUDGED FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
I think success isn’t measured by the number of hours you spend with your children; it’s the quality time spent together, even 30 minutes. And whether you spend enough time with your children varies with different families. I always think that a happy and balanced mum is a good mum, so if you’re happy working, just do it. Or if you’re happy being a stay-at-home mum, do it.
STYLING BRYAN GOH HAIR & MAKEUP RINA SIM, USING KEVIN.MURPHY & LANCOME DRESS MARELLA
