Turning to other women for love advice is great, but to get a deeper understanding of what goes on in his head, we decided to go straight to the source. We grill Allan Wu, Glenn Ong, James Quan, Howard Lo and Paul Foster on love, sex, marriage and divorce.
Turning to other women for love advice is great, but to get a deeper understanding of what goes on in his head, we decided to go straight to the source. We grill Allan Wu, Glenn Ong, James Quan, Howard Lo and Paul Foster on love, sex, marriage and divorce.
“There’s nothing easy about being married and unmarried”
ALLAN WEARS SANDRO POLO T-SHIRT; H&M PANTS; AND PENNY LOAFERS FROM BOSS.
Actor-Host, 45
Easy-going, handsome, charismatic… there are numerous adjectives to describe Allan, who is probably best known for his turn as the host of The Amazing Race Asia. A father to two, the entertainer made headlines when he split from former actress, Wong Li-Lin, in 2013 after a marriage that lasted almost a decade. Following a period of singlehood, Allan is giving love another shot and is currently dating.
“Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s a journey: Two people have decided to spend their whole lives together, so it’s not going to be a quick outburst of emotion and passion. You have to be there for the long haul, for the long run, and I think a lot of people aren’t able to sustain that the whole way. The most important thing when it comes to love is to be patient, and to realise that it is a lifelong journey together.”
“Communication is the foundation of any relationship, but I think it’s also important to be empathetic towards your partner, not just sympathetic. A relationship is a huge investment on both sides, so you have to understand why your partner is going through difficult times, and why the two of you are arguing. You have to take a step back and realise, ‘I now understand why she is feeling this way’.”
“I believe in lust at first sight. Lust is that initial attraction, that chemical reaction, which is transient, ephemeral and doesn’t last. From there, are you able to work on a foundation and build that into love?”
“There’s nothing easy about being married and being unmarried, you know… getting a divorce. I think it’s not something we choose to do, but if you reach a point in that relationship where being coupled is a lot more difficult than uncoupling, why should you force it? For me, I would have done anything to stay in that relationship for the sake of the children, but I can’t expect someone else to feel the same way. What I can tell anyone, though, is that time does heal everything. I will always be grateful and thankful that my ex-wife and I had these two beautiful children together.”
“At the end of the day, it takes two to make a relationship work”
PAUL WEARS SANDRO SHIRT; SCOTCH & SODA PANTS; AND BOSS SNEAKERS.
Actor-Host, 38
Television host and model Paul is as candid as they come. Quick-witted and smart-talking, the British-Chinese Singaporean isn’t afraid to get real when it comes to women, dating, and even marriage. Though he has yet to walk down the aisle, he has found long-term love and has a steady girlfriend, so the urge to “put a ring on it” may not elude him for very much longer.
“I’m not married yet, so I took notes from what the other four gentlemen here have said before me. I’ve learnt four new things just by listening to them and they’ve got more experience than me in being in relationships, so I’m taking those views on board.”
“I think it’s honest, open communication, and being able to talk things out. At the end of the day, it takes two to make a relationship work. People get lost in a lot of things; we all get busy, and have things to do, but being able to communicate with each other is what makes or breaks a relationship.”
“I find that the beginning of relationships is always about lust. There’s always that physical attraction, then there’s emotional attraction, and intellectual attraction, where you lust for someone first, and that could develop into love. When I was younger, I was like ‘Oh, this is love at first sight, this is what love feels like, oh my god’. Then as you get older you’re like, “No, that was nothing’, because we grow, learn and find exactly what we want in someone else and therefore, realise what real love could be.”
“I think it’s more of a safety blanket for a lot of girls when they ask that question. It’s more of a ‘Can you just give me a confidence boost? Or not?’ in a way. Men won’t say, “Do I look fat?” – we’ll say, ‘How do I look? Do I look good? Do I look okay?’ When my girlfriend asks me I say, ‘Don’t worry about it: You look great, but if you are putting on weight, I’ll let you know’.”
“I’ve been uncoupled twice; I’m still figuring it out”
GLENN WEARS BOSS SWEATER; EMPORIO ARMANI PANTS; AND JIMMY CHOO LOAFERS.
ONE FM 91.3 Deejay, 48
Radio star Glenn has had his fair share of ups and downs when it comes to his life off the air. Wedding bells have rung for the charismatic deejay three times: First to Kate Reyes, from 1999 to 2001; then to Jamie Yeo, from 2004 to 2009; and currently to Jean Danker, whom he tied the knot with in 2016. For someone who’s been burned publicly, the radio personality continues to believe in the power of love.
“It’s actually advice from my mum – that the woman is always right.”
“Trust, respect and good sex, baby!”
“I’ll always tell the truth because hey: Trust, right? I’m the only person she’ll probably ever ask, ‘Do I look like I’m putting on weight?’ and I’m always honest with her. Most of you have seen Jean, so when she asks me that question I’m like, ‘What? Are you kidding?’ I’ve never said ‘yes’ because she’s truly not fat, but if she does put on weight, I will tell her.”
“I feel like I’m not in a position to give out advice with regards to love. I’ve been uncoupled twice; I’m still figuring it out. All I can say is, marriage is not easy. I mean, no marriage is smooth sailing. There will always be ups and downs, and depending on the circumstances (and like I said, the presence of trust and respect), things can go in different directions. If things happen, well, there will always be people who will judge and will say things, but ultimately it’s between the couple. You know, despite what has happened in the past, if that person goes on to remarry, it just goes to show that person is not giving up on love or marriage.”
“Because I’m in this industry, we’re more in the spotlight, and I’ve come to the point where I know there will always be haters who will say things. But as long as I know I’m happy and I’m faithful to my wife, I think that’s the most important thing. My message is: Don’t give up on marriage, and don’t give up on love.”
“Losing your sense of identity is hard in a marriage”
HOWARD WEARS CK CALVIN KLEIN SUIT; EMPORIO ARMANI T-SHIRT; AND SANDRO BOOTS.
Restaurateur, 42
It took a move of more than 16,000 km for American-born restaurateur, Howard Lo, to meet his wife, Lim Hui Nan. Not only did he woo his wife at one of his dining establishments, Howard also roped her in as a business partner, and the duo now work side by side to run their company, Empire Eats, which has Standing Sushi Bar, Tanuki Raw, Suo Bar Happy and The Secret Mermaid under its banner. They have one son and another baby on the way.
“I don’t know if this counts as advice, but my cousin from Texas visited me recently and he told me, “If a woman eats the end of the loaves of bread, she’s frugal; if she eats all the meat off the chicken bone, she’s sensual.” That really resonated with me.”
“Communication is very important, because you need to be able to tell your spouse what you want: What goals you want to work towards, what makes you happy, or what makes you sad. Your partner is there to achieve his or her own goals, but also to support you to achieve yours, so being clear about what you are both working towards helps the relationship grow healthily.”
“I believe there are lots of opportunities for magical moments in a very short amount of time, and I think a lot of times that can be viewed as love at first sight. Those moments give you a foundation to build something upon. What I mean is, it may feel like love at first sight because it’s a very magical moment – getting together – but whether it’s going to lead to something more is hard to tell.”
“The difficulty is really the loss of your selfidentity, which I think only accelerates after you have kids. But certainly when you get married, it becomes less about you as an individual, and more about you as a couple. You’re suddenly in a partnership, and that means you’re supposed to be planning your life decisions together, but obviously because she’s a separate person, she has her own opinions and thoughts that you now have to factor in. So, you surrender a big part of yourself once you’re in a marriage.”
“I definitely believe in love at first sight”
JAMES WEARS SUITSUPPLY SUIT; H&M T-SHIRT; AND MOCCASINS FROM TOD’S.
Founder of Bynd Artisan, 50
A romantic through and through, James wears his heart on his sleeve. Like the leather and paper goods he works with, James nurtures his relationships and brings out the best qualities in them, which is exactly what he’s done with his wife and business partner, Winnie Chan. He floored Winnie, and everyone else, with his last Valentine’s Day gift, a music video, with him singing a love song he sang for her at their wedding! The couple has been married for more than two decades and have two teenagers.
“For me, it was that I have to put her before myself, and pray that she will reciprocate. It’s worked out fine, so that would be the best advice I got before getting married.”
“I definitely believe in love at first sight, because I married my wife one month after I met her. The moment I saw Winnie, I rang up my best friend and told him I was going to desperately fall in love, get married and have kids.”
“I’m a fortunate man. My wife looks better and better as she ages! I tend not to care too much about how I look; it’s always my wife who wants me to look better, but I feel I don’t need to so I’m always fending her off.”
“Always say, ‘No, you look fantastic.’” When it comes to relationships, what’s the most important factor? “At this point in my life, it’s respect. I’ve been married for 21 years, so I think respect is very important, because you need time to earn that from your wife. Our personalities and the things we like are very different, but we understand each other and we respect each other’s choices, instead of insisting the other person conforms. It is because we are different that we are able to join forces, and achieve great things at work and at home.”
Love is… “about being consistent.”
