Ten real couples (who’ve been married for 10 to 30 years) share their secret pearls of wisdom with The Weekly.
Kids, money worries, infidelity or resentment are among the things that can put a dampener on romance. Most of us are willing to put in the hard work for “happily ever after”, but marriage really starts to get challenging after the honeymoon phase has long passed.
So, it is really possible to reignite the spark in your marriage? The Weekly speaks to real-life couples on what it takes to make the bonds of love last.
MARRIED FOR: 26 YEARS
SERENE LOW, 51
THOMAS LIM, 53
“BRING COLOUR TO EACH OTHER’S LIVES”
For Serene and Thomas, love is based on “mutual admiration”. “Serene is a writer and likes the arts and poetry, whereas I’m in engineering – so she has made life a lot more interesting for me,” says Thomas. Serene also admires her husband’s eternal optimism: “In life, I see a series of roadblocks, but he sees opportunities. We’ve brought colour to each other’s lives.” With three girls who are all close in age, the couple admits going through “the Dark Ages” when they struggled to raise their kids while keeping their relationship strong. “It helped to have a community of other parents who were going through the same phase in life – our church cell group members,” says Thomas. “It’s easier now that the kids have grown up.”
MARRIED FOR: 10 YEARS
KOH MUI MUI, 48
TAY WEE LIANG, 46
“YOU CAN’T CHANGE A PERSON, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU COMMUNICATE”
Having different ideas on how to raise their two children once strained Wee Liang and Mui Mui’s marriage. “My husband was very concerned about our kids’ education and studies, but I have a more laidback approach,” says Mui Mui. “Slowly, we learned to understand our differences. I now hold my tongue whenever I’m angry with him, and he has softened over the years, too. You can’t change a person, but you can change the way you communicate.” The couple celebrated their tenth anniversary with a couple’s trip to Taiwan last year. “We’re not the romantic type, but we bonded through travelling together,” says Wee Liang. “We’ve focused a lot on our kids, but it’s important to spend time together as a couple, too.”
MARRIED FOR: 20 YEARS
SITI MARINI, 44
MOHAMMAD SOFIANDI, 46
“REMEMBER WHY YOU CHOSE YOUR SPOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE”
Patience is the key to a long-lasting marriage, according to Sofiandi and Marini. “In married life, there will always be ups and downs – but you need to take time to listen to each other and really talk things out,” says Sofiandi. “We never go to bed angry; if we have issues, we get to the bottom of them the same day, so we can sleep in peace.” Marini adds: “We must remember why we chose our spouses in the first place. My husband is very sweet, and a true gentleman. I know he loves me for me. I just can’t stay mad at him, because I miss talking to him.”
TEXT: BAUERSYNDICATION.COM.AU/ ADDITIONAL REPORTING: LISA TWANG & TAN GIN YEE/ PHOTOS: LISA TWANG/ “I STILL DO” COUPLES’ PICNIC, FAMILIES FOR LIFE
MARRIED FOR: 22 YEARS
CLAIRE NAZAR, 46
BOAZ NAZAR, 51
“MARITAL ISSUES CAN BE A WALL BETWEEN YOU, OR A FORTRESS YOU BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE UPON”
Claire and Boaz believe fights are an inevitable part of marriage, but it’s how you deal with them that makes or breaks your relationship. “Marital issues can be a wall between you, or a fortress you build your marriage upon,” says Claire. You can look back on your issue and say: ‘See how we handled that so well’, and celebrate it.” Boaz adds: “Always keep a positive emotional account; keep depositing good memories daily, so your account will not be overdrawn. It’s the little things, like kissing each other ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’, that add up over time.”
MARRIED FOR: 14 YEARS
ADELINE CHEW, 38
JOSEPH KOH, 40
“LOVE MEANS GLADLY GIVING UP THE WHOLE FOREST FOR THAT ONE TREE”
It’s clear that Adeline and Joseph have a special connection; Joseph vividly recalls how he fell head over heels in love with his now-wife on their second date at Suntec City’s Fountain of Wealth. “Things just clicked then; I love everything about Adeline, and we are so in sync. Love is a commitment; it means gladly giving up the whole forest for that one tree.” Adeline adds: “Love is about forgiveness and knowing what makes your spouse happy.” Joseph adds: “Marriage also means accepting each other for who you are; it’s not realistic if I expect her to be Cindy Crawford and she expects me to be Tom Hanks!”
MARRIED FOR: 30 YEARS
NANCY NG, 67
SIU WAH, 66
“IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT PERFECT, CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST”
“I knew Siu Wah was the one when he met me at the airport in Italy many years ago; he was wearing a beautiful white suit, had that Elvis Presley smile, and held a bouquet of long roses. I think God sent a cupid to shoot an arrow into my heart!” recalls Nancy. While their “love at first sight” moment has faded, Nancy thinks they have something deeper now: “A feeling of togetherness.” Siu Wah also believes you shouldn’t expect your spouse to change. “If your relationship is not perfect, change yourself first. You have close your eyes to certain things you may not like about each other. Marriage is like a contract; if you can agree on the basic terms and conditions, everything else is negotiable.”
MARRIED FOR: 10 YEARS
CYNTHIA TONG, 42
TONG YEE, 44
“WHEN I’M HAVING DOUBTS, IT HELPS TO REMEMBER WE’RE A TEAM”
Listening is such an important part of Tong Yee and Cynthia’s lives that the couple has set up two chairs in their bedroom that face each other, to remind each other to sit down and talk often. “Communication is very important to us. We have many date nights and overseas trips, and will get someone to babysit our three kids so we can spend quality time together,” says Tong Yee. Cynthia also says it’s important to present a united front. “It’s easy to jump to conclusions when we quarrel, but it helps to realise we are one. When I’m having doubts, it helps to remember we’re a team. Don’t let issues like the need to be right all the time, and financial struggles, come between both of you.”
All You Need Is Love
Find relationship advice, date ideas and more from these organisations
Families for Life
Families for Life is a people-sector Council which creates platforms for family bonding and engaging Singaporeans in conversations about family. www.familiesforlife.sg
Alliance Counselling
Offering a variety of counselling services for couples in Singapore, Alliance Counselling aims to help couples settle conflicts and form stronger ties with each other. www.alliance counselling.com.sg 6466 8120
Focus On The Family
Focus on the Family organises fun-filled events and talks for married couples, letting you spend more time with your significant other or learn how to understand each other better.
www.family.org.sg 6336 1444
