Forty-four out of 50 women we asked* say they don’t want a public proposal – it seems attention-seeking, or like a sneaky way for men to pressure girlfriends to say “yes”. Yet, these grand romantic gestures exist. Why?
"Found this at a garage sale – you got any cassettes? Also, will you marry me?"
Will You Emmy Me?
American producer and director Glen Weiss stole the American producer Emmys show last September when he proposed to girlfriend Jan Svendsen during his award acceptance speech. Inﬂuencer Chiara Ferragni – aka The Blonde Salad – and Italian singer Fedez were engaged after he serenaded her on stage at his concert.
Public displays of affection are the stuff of romantic ﬁction, but are they a tad over the top?
Maybe not to Singapore men, who are hiring marriage proposal companies such as Help You Marry (Singapore’s ﬁrst professional marriage proposal planner) to make the big ask extra special. The company charges a starting fee of $3,400, inclusive of photography, videography, decor and reservations, and recently, they had an Indonesian client who composed a song and played it on a grand piano in the middle of winter along tree-lined paths on Nami Island in Korea. Yes, you’ve guessed it, it was a setting for the drama Winter Sonata.
On average, Help You Marry plans 30 to 40 proposals a year, 30 per cent of which are done in public, a sign that the once-intimate affair has morphed into an elaborate event. Millennials comfortable with sharing and being in the spotlight are the new norm, thanks to social media and reality TV, but proposals are still widely regarded as lowkey and private occasions. So why turn it into a spectacle?
“The love of the spotlight, and romanticism, are likely relevant in some cases. With all the proposing and love confessions that unfold on reality TV shows, it’s no wonder that more people are doing this,” says Singapore Management University associate professor of psychology Norman Li.
“Another reason is that guys think observers will be impressed, which may help tip the scales for the woman to say yes,” says Prof Li. “It could also be a potential ‘up or out’ gambit for the men – either the girl will be so impressed and say yes, or the relationship will be over.”
It certainly can get awkward, as national serviceman Muhammad Amirul Suﬁ an found out. He popped the question by getting his friends to each hold up a diff erent word from the phrase “Will You Marry Me” at his Operationally Ready Date (ORD) parade. After she accepted, they switched places so the phrase read, “You Will Marry Me”. Keyboard warriors joked that she never stood a chance.
But there are success stories: Social media creative Chloe Choo, 25, and her ﬂight attendant boyfriend CY, 28, had broached marriage and a private engagement. But he proposed at the Italian Restaurantnightclub Lavo’s Halloween party, and boy, was she surprised.
CY explains that it wasn’t planned. He wanted it to be spontaneous instead of trying to create the moment. “I brought the ring out with me on several occasions, even overseas. But at Lavo, the atmosphere and mood felt right,” he says. “We ﬁrst met at a Halloween party four years ago, so proposing on the occasion was especially signiﬁcant.”
“Perhaps extroverted women who enjoy being in the spotlight might take more favourably to public proposals than quiet women or those who like to stay private,” says Prof Li. With 20k followers on Instagram, Chloe is comfortable in the spotlight.
Even selfproclaimed introvert 26-yearold student Hana Zalejska is grateful to have felt like a princess for a day. Her ﬁance Adrian Chia, 37, got down on one knee in front of her and thousands of spectators at the recent Indoor Stadium WTA tournament, during a semi-ﬁnal match. The setting was apt: Hana used to play for the Czech junior team, and the couple often watch tennis or play for fun together. She said yes. Game, set, match made!
But it’s not for everyone. Public proposals take guts, and what better way to demonstrate sincerity? “That is, if you can risk making a fool of yourself in front of many strangers, you must truly love the girl,” explains Prof Li.
Lynx Marriage Proposal cofounder and operations manager Pailin Thipayarat agrees, saying “clients who decide to propose in front of friends and family want to prove to their partner that their love is sincere and there’s nothing to hide”. If you’re reading this, fellas, good luck, and to use a tennis metaphor – please don’t double fault.
41 out of the 50 women we asked would find it awkward if their significant other proposed in public.
70 per cent of the women we surveyed wouldn’t even want close friends and family to witness their significant other proposing.
*THIS HER WORLD SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED AMONG 50 WOMEN IN SINGAPORE AGED 25-45.
SOMETIMES YOU NEED A LITTLE PROFESSIONAL HELP
HELP YOU MARRY
There are the semi-private proposals that take place in a secluded corner of Marina Barrage or Gardens by the Bay. Then there’s asking your girlfriend to marry you while you’re both on the MRT. Whatever it is, Help You Marry will help you marry.
LYNX MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
Packages start from $99 and can reach a four-figure sum. The price depends on the logistics and complexity of the proposal. From an underwater proposal to arranging for a staff member to parasail with a “marry me” banner fluttering in the sky, they’ve done it all. Six years in, and none of their clients have ever been turned down.
For $150, Rainbowthree covers the basics: setting up LED candles and helium foil balloons that spell out the big question. This service keeps things simple, so any correspondence before the proposal will be done via Whatsapp and e-mail.
EPIC FAILS THAT’LL MAKE YOU THINK TWICE.
1 Youtube “the worst flashmob proposal in Sentosa”
The video starts off innocently enough: Eight young adults are recorded dancing to a K-pop track. Mid-dance, the only guy in the group bends down in front of someone we presume is his girlfriend, and she, sensing the worst, immediately urges him to stand up. He proceeds with an awkward proposal, only to be rejected when she runs away. She knocks over a young child in her haste. We are not sure what to make of this.
2 Youtube “man vows to play piano non-stop untilex of four months takes him back”
The iconic scene in romantic comedy Say Anything featured John Cusack holding a boom box over his head to prove to his beloved that he wasn’t giving up on their relationship. It was sweet. In real life, not so much. In Bristol, a pianist proclaimed he would keep playing until his ex rekindled their love. Facebook commenters were quick to call it blackmail and a PR stunt for his musical career. He was eventually punched in the head, and the music stopped.
3 Youtube “man proposed to girlfriend at a fast food drive-through”
The proposal took place in private – inside the couple’s car – but a camera was in place, and the video was eventually uploaded to Youtube. The boyfriend slipped an engagement ring inside a crispy chicken deluxe burger. Her response? She cried and said he shouldn’t be asking her this way. He shared the awkward exchange, saying that friends encouraged him to warn others against such cutesy proposals. It scored 1.9 million views.
TEXT HOE I YUNE PHOTOS EVERETT COLLECTION, TPG IMAGES & 123RF