Try this to feel sexier in bed ... and less self-conscious

When your bedtime moves just aren’t hitting the spot anymore (and let’s face it, we’ve all been there), it’s easy to give up and think you’re doomed to a sexless marriage.

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When your bedtime moves just aren’t hitting the spot anymore (and let’s face it, we’ve all been there), it’s easy to give up and think you’re doomed to a sexless marriage. But take heart: You can make your sex life fun and exciting again with some fresh ideas, simple tips and a can-do attitude. Remember, sometimes sexiness is all about your state of mind.

Plan A Sex Date

We all get busy, so there’s nothing wrong with booking in a time for sex. You may feel like you’re scheduling a dental appointment or trip to the hairdresser, but making a sex date can really pay off. People think sex has to be spontaneous to be amazing, and that’s why they wait a long time in between sessions.

But when you’re busy, that spontaneous desire won’t happen. Spark things off by sending each other a flirty little text message before your sex date. Even if your desire has been running low, anticipating your naughty date could get your engine revving again.

Sex Is Not A ‘Must Do’, It’s A ‘Want To’

Feeling like you must have sex can put unnecessary pressure on you to perform. Instead, you can kiss a little, or have a massage without expecting sex to eventuate. If something does happen, great. But don’t focus on that end point. You may find your mind wandering towards work, kids or mundane chores, but work towards building bridges between your work or mum life and sex.

Relax by having a glass of wine with your husband, or wear a knockout outfit you know he loves, to help you shift your mind to the moment. Once you build those bridges, you may want to take things further.

Try Something New

Variety is the spice of life, so if you have a standard formula for sex, introduce something a little different into your routine. Think about your all-time favourite romps, and revisit those moves. And try something new with foreplay, instead of going through the motions for five minutes before sex. Flirt outside the bedroom.

Whisper something naughty in your husband’s ear when having dinner with friends, or give him a sneaky touch under the table. Try a new position, or have sex in a new place. Be creative so you don’t fall back into the same-old boring routine.

Don’t Use Sex As Punishment

It may be tempting to withhold sex from your husband when you’re having a major fight, but don’t give in. You don’t have to have sex against your will, but if you are avoiding sex to teach your spouse a lesson, it is definitely not okay. If you feel anger and resentment towards your husband, consider getting professional help to work through those tricky issues. Be generous and loving to each other, and you’ll be in a better frame of mind for sex and intimacy.

Take Care Of Yourself

If you feel good about yourself, you’re more willing to share your body. None of us feels like a sex goddess every day, but there’s a lot you can do to boost your daily self-esteem and confidence. Look after yourself by eating right and keeping fit with a gym session or yoga class. Take pride in how you look by making the effort to dress up, even when you’d rather be in comfy, sloppy outfits on your days off. You’ll naturally feel more attractive and sexy.

Talk About Why You’re Having Sex

Why are you having sex? Lots of couples never really consider that question. Is it to have an orgasm? Or to connect with your other half? Sit down with your husband and talk about the reasons why you both have sex. If sex at the moment is ho-hum, talk about what you can do to increase satisfaction, and be honest about your feelings on your sex life. If you feel awkward bringing up the subject, don’t be too serious; some jokes may help lighten the mood.