Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our man about town, is here to help.
Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our man about town, is here to help.
“Sorry, I’ll not mention her again.”
My boyfriend of three months brings up his ex-girlfriend pretty often in our conversations, saying things like “She used to do this”, “She didn’t like my blue bedsheet”, and so on. I feel second best though he loves me dearly. How do I get him to stop talking about her?
An electric shock collar should do the trick! It sends a little tingle of electricity that should get your boyfriend twitching uncomfortably. Whenever he brings up the ex, activate the collar, and pretty soon, he will know not to mention her name.
If that solution sounds insane, that’s because it is.
Seriously, just bring the matter up and explain to him that it’s not nice for you to hear about his ex’s favourite foods and what she thought of all his crappy polo shirts.
He loves you, and he just keeps using his ex as a reference point without thinking about how it impacts your feelings – so let him know your exact thoughts.
I fell in love with someone within months of dating. He recently suggested that we go on a 12-day European vacation, and that we should go dutch on this trip (meals included). How do I tell him that he should pay for everything?
Going dutch? The only way to date, as far as I’m concerned. But then maybe I’m not a perfect gentleman. You’re right, it’s not super romantic to go dutch on stuff as the relationship is fairly new, and he’s not exactly asking you to pay for a movie ticket.
He’s asking you to split what’s going to be a pretty pricey getaway. So I understand – ’cause again, I’m cheap like that.
Are you being unreasonable?
No. If you want someone who will pay for all this kind of stuff, and you find it a turn-off to go dutch, maybe you should find someone who wants to pay for everything.
Because it sounds like this guy isn’t that guy. If paying for everything is what you want, this fella ain’t it.
Breaking up is hard to do. Breaking up amicably? That’s even tougher. How do you break up with somebody and make peace?
Here are a few tips.
First, try not to break
up over something terrible. This means don’t cheat, steal money from them or otherwise be a terrible person. This probably doesn’t apply to many people out there, but this is the first rule of a break-up: Don’t do anything so bad that the break-up can’t be amicable.
Second, if you want things to be friendly after that, be mature during the break-up. That means no name-calling, no blaming, and no throwing vases across the room (even if you’re not aiming at your ex-to-be).
Honestly, if it’s time to break up, it’s time to break up. No finger-pointing or making things worse. Don’t go low during the split and say things that you’ll regret, or hurt the other person.
Give yourself a higher chance of maintaining a cordial relationship after that.
Finally, give it time.
Once you have made the big break, don’t attempt to be best friends with your ex right away. Spend time apart and move on.
This is very important for making sure that nothing from the past is brought up (again) that may result in unnecessary arguments or discussions when you guys have had a clean (civilised) break-up.
Also, don’t think that giving space to each other is weird. Sometimes, things take time and you can be friends later on – just not right away.
Now that you’ve got these tips, get out there and break up the best way you can. Or even better, don’t.
Have any questions about men and their romantically obtuse ways?
E-mail Jason at magherworld@sph.com.sg, follow him on Twitter (@bigsmilenoteeth) and like his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth.
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