Your tween is old enough to take care of himself, so why is he whining so much? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON decodes the different reasons behind this behaviour.
Your tween is old enough to take care of himself, so why is he whining so much? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON decodes the different reasons behind this behaviour.
ILLUSTRATION CHENG PUAY KOON
“I’m bored.”
There are times your primary schooler whines because he is bored and can’t think of what to do to keep himself busy. It starts whenever he has free time (because he hasn’t got a clear plan of action) and it stops the moment he is occupied.
HOW TO RESPOND
Distract him as best you can. Giving your child an activity that attracts his interest will stop him in his tracks. Suggest a toy or game that he can play with and, if necessary, start the activity off with him until he is fully engaged. Then you can leave him to get on with it on his own.
“What are you doing?”
Your child whines sometimes because he just wants your attention, and he knows his complaints will eventually bring you over to him. He doesn’t mind if you scold him because that means he still gets your attention all the same.
HOW TO RESPOND
If you suspect that he’s doing this, try your best to ignore his continuous complaints (though that can be difficult). When he doesn’t whine, give him your positive attention, and make sure you tell him you’re pleased he didn’t complain.
“I don’t feel good.”
Just like you, your child has physical needs. Hunger, for instance, will make him whine, as will thirst. And if he is incubating an illness or is about to come down with a cold or flu, he may be irritable as well.
HOW TO RESPOND
Attend to his physical needs until he is more comfortable. A hungry eight-year-old’s mood can be improved quickly with a snack or a drink of juice; a kid with a full bladder feels better after visiting the toilet; and an ill child doesn’t feel so bad when given a cuddle and is tucked into bed under a warm duvet.
“This isn’t very good.”
It is amazing how easy it is for your child to get into this bad habit, just for the sake of it. Perhaps he learnt the habit from his sibling or maybe he whined once and found that he liked the noises he made – some kid whine for no apparent reason.
HOW TO RESPOND
Try to break this habit. Explain that you want him to stop whining needlessly and that you will help him achieve this target. Tell him that, today, you don’t want him to whine for the next 30 minutes. Praise him when he manages this, and then gradually extend the time limit each day.
“I don’t want to go.”
If your child feels emotionally insecure – perhaps because he fell out with his classmate, or because he thinks other children don’t like him – he’ll complain that he wants to stay at home instead of an activity that involves him mixing with others.
HOW TO RESPOND
Try to find out what’s troubling him. Think about all aspects of his life, chat with him about his friends, school and leisure activities, and persist until you identify the source of his anxiety.
Once you do that, you may be able to solve the problem quite quickly. He’ll feel happier now that he knows you are involved.
Your child whines sometimes because he just wants your attention. He doesn’t mind if you scold him because that means you’re responding to him.
