It’s a sensitive topic to broach: You taught your child that smoking is bad, but he’s now worried about his grandfather’s unhealthy habit. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON offers this advice.
It’s a sensitive topic to broach: You taught your child that smoking is bad, but he’s now worried about his grandfather’s unhealthy habit. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON offers this advice.
You often remind your preschooler that smoking is bad, and he should never pick up the habit. But he might ask: “If smoking is bad, why does Grandpa do it? Why won’t he stop? Have you tried smoking before?” You need to give him a satisfactory explanation without offending the smoker!
No matter which of your friends or relatives smokes, always make it clear to your growing child that smoking carries serious health risks and that this is a habit he should avoid.
Explain that smoking damages the smoker’s lungs and affects their skin and hair. It’s important that he fully understands the health dangers.
However, the more you emphasise the undesirability of tobacco use, the more worried he’ll become about the health of the smokers he knows, such as his grandpa or his aunt.
In fact, he might become extremely bothered about this and want to challenge them about their habit. Before he starts questioning them in detail, give him a bit more information. For example, you could say that Grandpa started smoking before people knew that it was so dangerous and now that he has been smoking for so long, it’s extremely difficult for him to stop.
Or you could say that he has tried to give up the habit several times, but just hasn’t managed to quit. Try to encourage your child to look at smoking from the smoker’s perspective as well.
Ask sensitively
Much depends on your child’s relationship with the smoker and the way he asks questions.
Assuming, though, that they get on well together and that he is generally polite and respectful to them, there is no harm if he asks them questions about their tobacco habit, just as he might ask them about anything else. The subject should not be taboo.
Suggest ways he might pose his enquiry without appearing offensive or rude. A useful strategy would be to phrase his question in a way that demonstrates his concern, rather than appearing critical.
For instance, he could say: “Grandpa, I love you very much, but I know smoking makes people ill. I am worried that you will become ill. It would be better for your health if you didn’t smoke”, or “I know that most people who smoke want to give up, but find it difficult. If you wanted to give up, I would help you.”
In this way, your kid will be able to show his concern for his grandfather’s welfare without causing offence.
It’s up to Grandpa
Then it’s up to the smoker to respond to such a question from a curious child. Maybe Grandpa will tell him that he is happy to take the health risk because he enjoys cigarettes so much.
Perhaps he’ll just smile and distract his attention to something else. But you never know – your child’s questions might just be the prompt the smoker needs to try giving up the habit.
He could even support the smoker’s attempts by offering to give up a particular toy or a particular sweet of his own. You’d be surprised what many grandparents would do to gain respect, love and admiration from their grandchildren.
If your five-year-old’s question does prompt a positive change, everyone will be delighted. That would be a great outcome.
If the question is met instead with a more negative response, make sure anyway that your child fully understands why people shouldn’t smoke and that he should never start.
