Two mother-and-daughter duos reveal how mindsets toward women’s roles have changed as they share their views on career, marriage and family
Two mother-and-daughter duos reveal how mindsets toward women’s roles have changed as they share their views on career, marriage and family
“Having children was expected once I got married”
“When I grew up, women were expected to put marriage and family ahead of climbing the career ladder. The most important thing about the job I chose was that it had to be in a large organisation that would give me financial security and stability. I worked in the sales and marketing department of a property and hotel developer for ten years and did well there, before giving it all up to be a stay-home mum when my girls, Dawn and Annabel, were four and five years old. At the time, Annabel was hospitalised with a lung infection; shortly after, both girls had chicken pox. Giving up my decade-long career wasn’t an easy decision, and it also meant a sacrifice of income and having to depend on my husband to bring home the bacon, but I wanted my girls to have quality care.
“Having children was expected once my husband and I got married, as it meant moving on to the next stage of our marriage and forming a family unit. I don’t put pressure on Dawn to have kids. I see my generation as a ‘transition’ generation, where some mums chose to work full-time and some chose to be homemakers, whereas Dawn’s generation is highly unlikely to be stay-home mums.
“My mum gave up her 10-year career to care for my sister and me”
“Although I graduated with a Life Science degree, I’ve been working in the communications industry for about four years. I feel that in today’s era, women are more daring and keen to try new things, even if that means taking risks. Having a career is no doubt a form of financial freedom, but for me, it’s more about personal growth and development. It’s important if you can find purpose and meaning in it, too. I admire my mum a lot though, because it takes a lot of courage to give up something you’ve worked so hard for, for someone else. It’s something that I might not be able to do, especially when I’m the sort who loves doing new things and thrives on adrenaline.”
“Since I’m the restless sort, I decided to get married and settle down so I wouldn’t have to worry about relationships anymore. My mum was the homemaker who ensured we were all taken care of, while my dad took on the role of bread winner. However, I embrace a more modern mindset when it comes to husband and wife roles: I’m okay if my husband wants to be a stay-home dad to take care of the family. Still, I share my mum’s belief that good communication between spouses is the most important thing.
“Women earning more than men was very rare when I was growing up”
“Back then, it was the norm for women to marry when we reached our 20s: I was only 19 when I met my husband! It was instilled in me that getting married would grant me security and companionship when I was older. When it comes to our relationships with our husbands, I feel Bel is better in articulating her feelings, and is more calm and collected. She can deal with situations more independently, whereas I am more submissive. But ultimately, I believe that trust and communication are the two most important things to keep a marriage strong.
“During my time, it was sufficient for women to take on any decent job, as long as we could contribute to the family’s expenses. A career meant securing myself in a good company, and having financial freedom. Now, women are more educated and empowered to use their finances to pursue their hobbies and interests, not just to contribute to the family’s expenses. In fact, many women today are earning more than men, which was very rare when I was growing up.
“When my two children were young, I quit my full-time job as a Finance Controller to look after and nurture them. I wanted to be present as they were growing up (there was no childcare leave back then), especially since their father travelled overseas very frequently for his job. I eventually returned to the workforce full-time.
“My mum taught me to persevere and not give up easily”
“Growing up, I felt free to choose to do what interested me, in any industry or occupation. When I first entered the workforce, with marriage still somewhere on the horizon, I adopted the mentality that when the going got tough, it was perfectly fine to quit and find another job that suited me better.
“Whenever I felt like giving up, my mum would get me to look at things from a different perspective. She would remind me that even in my next company, I would have to deal with such issues and so there was no point avoiding them – I simply needed to learn how to handle difficult situations. My mum’s never-give-up mentality came from her own life experiences and Christian faith; she came from a large family and had to work hard and be independent from a young age.
“In my mum’s time, it was common for women to give up their careers to care for their kids full-time. Today, women are not just expected to work, but working mums and dual-income households are the norm. I believe it’s possible to balance both career and children, and I don’t expect my husband to provide for the family on his own. My job gives me a sense of purpose; it’s a two-way channel where I contribute my knowledge and skillsets to my company and society and, in return, seek to enrich myself as a professional by learning from mentors and peers. It also gives me financial security, so I can pursue passions such as going on mission trips with my church.
“My mum and I have always shared a close friendship, which meant she always knew what was going on in my life. She’s very involved in my life and although I’ve moved out, we still meet up and keep in contact via WhatsApp. When I become a mother in future, I will want to be as involved in my children’s lives as she was, teaching them the values important to our family with love, forgiveness and generosity at the foundation.”
PHOTOS COURTESY OF DAWN ZHOU AND CHRISTABEL LIM
