ASK JAY

Got a relationship problem? JASON GODFREY, our man about town, is here to help.

I’ve been seeing a guy for some months. Recently, he hinted at an “open relationship” because he feels monogamy is not a prerequisite for love. Is it possible for a guy to sleep around but still be emotionally faithful?

Lots of things are possible. If you jump off a skyscraper, it’s possible that you could hit enough birds on the way down to slow your descent so that you won’t splatter on the pavement – but I wouldn’t bet on it. That’s how I feel about your guy going for an “open relationship”. I know some couples in open relationships who are happy because both parties agree that monogamy isn’t for them. You, on the other hand, don’t seem so sure. If you want monogamy, but he doesn’t, it’s not going to work.

My husband has become friends with a colleague whom I think is a terrible influence – he’s married, brags about his extramarital exploits, and tells other men not to “let women boss them around”. Is it a bad sign that my husband hangs out with him?

Lots of guys have friends like this, but it doesn’t mean they’re into the same things. You can’t just kick a friend to the kerb – even if he is a man whore. Sometimes, this sort of pal allows a taken man to live vicariously through their exploits. Before you say that’s wrong, ask yourself: How many times have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

My boyfriend and I plan to marry. He has a colourful sexual history, whereas I don’t. I’m curious and want to experiment with stuff he’s done, but he’s not open to it. I feel he’s experienced his “fill”, while I haven’t, and I want to before I settle down. What should I do?

Is “colourful” a polite term for pornographic? Explain that you want to try some crazy stuff together. Tell him you’re jealous of his uninhibited sexual past and want that too. I see no reason why any guy wouldn’t be into a girlfriend who’s giving him a blank cheque to request costumes, exotic locations and tantalising sexual positions. As long as it doesn’t involve you being with other guys, there should be no problem.

I broke off a relationship with a lying and cheating jerk. I always took him back because he would beg for forgiveness – only to do the same thing again. He neither loved me nor cared for me, so why did he bother hanging on?

No one truly believes they’re a bad person. That was the case with your ex. In his head, he was in a relationship with someone he cared about… but he also wanted other things – like sex with other girls. Were his actions selfish? Yes. But it’s dismissive to say he never loved or cared for you. He probably did, albeit in a selfish way. That’s why he hung on. Should you be with him? No. Because he’s a jerk.

Have more questions about men and their romantically obtuse ways? E-mail Jason at magherworld@sph.com.sg, follow him on Twitter (@bigsmilenoteeth) and like his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth.