"We’ve all discussed our bedroom shenanigans at some point, but do you ever wonder how much other women share? SASHA GONZALES asks 15 women how much they’ve spilled. Here are their stories, ranging from the tame to the ones with just too much info!"
“I’d been married for three months and still hadn’t had an orgasm, so I decided to discuss the problem with two of my closest friends. I really believed something was wrong with me or that my husband and I were making love the wrong way, but my friends assured me that it was normal and recommended a few ‘orgasm-guaranteed’ positions to try. Their advice worked!” – Delia*, 27, teacher
“My husband and I hadn’t had sex in months, so I thought I’d put on some sexy lingerie and seduce him. When he got home from work that evening, I greeted him in a see-through camisole, a G-string and thigh-high stockings. Instead of ravishing me, he laughed and told me I looked ridiculous. I was so hurt. When I shared this with my friends, they comforted me by reminding me that I would always be sexy and desirable. Those were words I really needed to hear.” – Venetia*, 32, sports coach
“I worry that my husband and I don’t have enough sex, so I’m always asking my girlfriends how often they do it. We never discuss anything X-rated because we’re all squeamish and shy. Sex frequency is, I guess, a pretty tame subject.” – Paula*, 38, designer
“When my girlfriends and I get together, we usually talk about ways to spice things up in the bedroom. One of us might have new ideas gleaned from a magazine and another might have come across a new sex toy. It’s a fun way to bond over drinks!” – Lydia*, 41, finance manager
“My friends and I always share our sex concerns with one another. One friend is a doctor, so she gives us great advice. The problems we discuss range from low libido to falling asleep during sex. Our conversations are so strait-laced that they sound almost clinical. We never discuss anything personal because we know one another’s husbands pretty well, so to discuss anything more intimate would be like breaking some sacred rule.”– Josephine*, 42, banker
WOW, TELL ME MORE!
“I once posted a photo of my bruised forehead on Facebook – my husband and I had been making love doggy style, and at one point, things got so rough that he accidentally pushed me and my head hit the headboard of our bed. I changed the privacy settings for the post so that only five of my closest friends could see it. For a couple of days, we played a guessing game on Facebook, as each friend tried to figure out how I got the bump on my head. Eventually, one of them solved the ‘mystery’, and the rest left funny comments and kidded that I should wear a helmet the next time I have sex.” – Kim*, 38, stay-at-home mum
“My friends consider me the ‘sex-pert’ of our group, so I feel like I have a role to fulfil every time I tell a story. Once, I announced that my husband and I were planning to attempt every position in The Kama Sutra. Over the following months, I recounted to them the weird positions we tried and the orgasms we experienced from certain positions, and they hung on to my every word. To this day, they still beg me to retell those stories.” –Serene*, 34, writer
“Sometimes, when sex with my husband is really intense, I sob uncontrollably. I don’t know why passionate sex with him makes me sad, and it bothers me. I cry in private so my husband has no idea, but I confide in my friends. We’ve been discussing it for the last few months, trying to come up with possible reasons.” – Janine*, 35, communications oﬃcer
“When I describe my orgasms to my girlfriends, they always try to shut me up. They hate it when I tell them what my hubby does to take me to the finish line, how intense my orgasm is, how my body quivers, and so on. They make a face or show me The Hand and tell me to stop! It really annoys me. Why is talking about our sexual pleasure oﬀlimits? I believe we would all have better sex if we were more open about how much we enjoy it.” – Vera*, 38, marketing manager
“I love seeing the looks on my friends’ faces when I share gross sex stories with them. Once, I told them how my husband was performing oral sex on me when my period came. The poor guy knew something tasted diﬀerent, but I was already super turned-on and didn’t let him stop. After I climaxed, he ran straight to the bathroom and brushed his teeth about a hundred times. When I recounted the story to my pals, they made gagging noises and I swear one of them actually turned green.” – Diane*, 29, teacher
“My friends were all ears when I recounted how my husband and I couldn’t keep our hands oﬀ each other when we reunited after his overseas work assignment. But the minute I mentioned how tight I’d become after all those months of zero sexual activity, and how much it hurt when my well-endowed hubby penetrated me, they told me they couldn’t listen anymore. It seems that hearing about my hubby’s private parts and mine was too much for them.” – Lisa*, 30, writer
“I told my girlfriends that doing it doggy style always does it for me because I love the sound of his flesh slappping against mine. My friends went ‘Eeewww’ and looked thoroughly disgusted. One of them said that she would be forever aﬀ ected by the image of me and my husband in that position, and begged me to change the subject. I didn’t understand what the big deal was!” – Charlotte*, 34, business owner
“I was having drinks with my girlfriends when their colleagues showed up. Someone suggested we talk about our most memorable sexual experience. I shared how my husband and I once made love for eight hours straight and that I’d had several orgasms. The next day, my friend told me that her co-workers thought I was crazy for sharing such intimate details and that they were embarrassed for me!” – Moira*, 33, supervisor
“My husband goes to great lengths to please me in bed, whether that means spending extra time on foreplay or trying new positions. My friends can’t get enough of hearing about our sex life, and always ask for details, such as how many times I climaxed. Then, they sigh and tell me that they wish their hubbies were like mine. I secretly love that they think that way.” – Olivia*, 42, physiotherapist
“My friends would be the first to admit that their sex lives are uneventful, which is why they love it when I share my funny or juicy sex stories with them. They laughed like crazy when I told them how my fat husband fell asleep while he was on top of me. I couldn’t get out from under him, nor could I roll him oﬀ me. I almost suﬀocated that night! After what felt like an eternity, he woke up and finally, I could breathe again. My friends say stuﬀ like that never happens to them!” – Selena*, 40, drama teacher
*Names have been changed.
ARE YOU OVERSHARING?
Christina Spaccavento, a sex therapist and counsellor based in Sydney, Australia, says that talking about your sex life with your friends is healthy, but only up to a point – though the upper limit varies from person to person. Before you spill though, consider the following:
❶ Why are you sharing such sensitive information with your friends? If it’s how you and your pals bond and exchange advice, then there’s nothing wrong with it, provided your friends are comfortable too.
❷ Are you respecting your partner’s privacy? Before you share such intimate details with your friends, you should ask if your man minds. If he specifically asks you not to discuss your sex life with others, you should respect that.
❸ Are you sharing the info with reliable, trustable friends? Be discerning about who you share such details with. Friends who are non-judgemental and can be trusted to keep a secret make a better confidante than say, someone who gossips.