Good sexting is so much more than cliches (like a kinky picture). It’s about building anticipation. That means witty wordplay, a great imagination, and knowing what turns him on. Play it right, and you’ll up the naughty factor in your relationship. Now who doesn’t want that?
I once tried to turn up the heat with a guy I was dating. He was on a two-week-long trip to Europe, and I wanted to stay on his radar. Several saucy texts later, he replied: “Um. I don’t think this is the best time to do this. I’m in a museum.” Not to be deterred, I coyly texted back: “What’s wrong with that? Aren’t museums filled with paintings of naked women to get you in the mood?”
His reply came almost immediately. “No. I’m in a war museum.”
Total buzzkill. But I picked up an important life lesson – always ask your partner where they are and what they’re doing before unleashing a sext.
Unfortunate timing aside, sexting is a great way for me and my partner to communicate, and a reminder of the sexual chemistry we have. Plus, it’s useful if you can’t see your man as often as you would like, or if you want to open up a conversation about your sex life.
And I’m not alone. A global survey done by Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute and health app Clue found that 67 per cent of 140,000 people have sexted. That’s a big jump from just 21 per cent five years ago. “It’s the quickest way to satisfy an urge,” says Dawn*. Miss your partner, or maybe you’re in the mood to flirt? Instant cyber intimacy is just a Whatsapp text, Facetime, or Snapchat away.
So it’s pretty obvious why we sext. But levelling up your sexting game is less about sending snaps of yourself in lingerie, and more about the banter building up to the main event. “Pictures and GIFs are boring,” says Diane*. “I get the biggest kick out of it when the guy is witty.” I could get on board with that. I recall that midway through texting an ex once, I playfully suggested testing out his bedsprings, out of concern for his safety. He cottoned on quickly and replied: “You’re right. I might be in grave danger. What services do you offer, or do I get to dictate the testing process?” Now that’s a turn-on. And of course, I couldn’t wait to see him.
Sexting doesn’t always have to be a planned event. Even a mundane task can be an opportunity if you know how to make the most of it. Like Jill*, who was doing laundry when her man texted to ask what she was up to. When he realised she was loading the washing machine, he turned this everyday chore into a fantasy. “I’ve always wanted to have sex on top of the washing machine,” he texted. “I can imagine the vibrations turning you on.” She played along. With a little imagination, there’s no limit to the cyber fantasies you can conjure up.
But words might not tickle everyone’s pickle. The key is to suss out what your partner is into. No point sending eggplant emojis if he finds that juvenile rather than titillating. An easy but classy way to get into sexting is to think of something that triggers an emotion for both of you, rather than generic “Tell me what you’re wearing” cliches. Use pet names, talk about something he did that turned you on, or how much he liked that lacy bra you wore last week.
As for me, I know what I like (naughty wordplay) and I know what he likes (wordplay and pictures). I’m not quite as keen on the pics, so I try to be more descriptive about what I want him to do to me. After all, it’s about meeting each other halfway, isn’t it?
SAFE SEXTING :
Because getting busted is a sure-fire way to kill the mood.
1. Ask yourself if you trust your partner with your body – especially in an age when everything can be screengrabbed. If the jury’s still out on that, you may want to keep any visuals low-key.
2. Understand that pictures, even deleted ones, can be immortalised in the dark hole called the Internet. Keep your face out of view if you want to err on the side of caution.
3. Don’t engage in multiple text conversations when you’re mid-sext. Not only is it a distraction, but you might slip up and send a text to someone you really shouldn’t be talking dirty with.
4. Don’t send pictures without giving him a heads-up during office hours. Two words: Whatsapp Web. You don’t want to treat his desk buddy to enlarged pictures of yourself on his computer screen.
TEXT CHLOE TAN PHOTOGRAPHY VEE CHIN ILLUSTRATIONS 123RF
*Names have been changed