Your kid has a talent, but you’re not sure if you should push him to become the best in his field. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON takes you through the questions you need to ask.
Your kid has a talent, but you’re not sure if you should push him to become the best in his field. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON takes you through the questions you need to ask.
You’re thrilled your child has an obvious talent (for example, playing a musical instrument, excelling in a sport or drawing creatively).
Even better, he actually seems to enjoy these classes. He practises hard between lessons without you having to nag at him, and his teacher has told you that she wants to train him for competitions because she thinks he has a real talent in the field.
What worries you, however, is that this extra pressure, which goes with any form of competitiveness, could kill his interest.
Of course you want to push your child as far as he can go in this activity, but at the same time you’re afraid that although he’s good, he may not be good enough to be one of the country’s top achievers in this field. Quite simply, he might not cope well with failure.
To help you get the right balance, ask yourself the following questions:
Is he interested in battling it out with his peers? Most children who enjoy competitions actively seek them out, and they also demonstrate this trait across all their activities. So you probably already know whether your tween has the hunger to win. True, he can usually become competitive in any area in which he has talent if he’s given sufficient encouragement. But if yours has shown no interest whatsoever in becoming the best, maybe that path is not for him.
How does he react when you suggest he competes? If his face lights up at the prospect of going up against his peers in his area of excellence – and if he excitedly asks you lots of questions about what the competition will involve – then that’s a positive sign he’ll enter with enthusiasm. In contrast, if he starts to frown, tremble or cry when you mention the idea of pushing his ability to the limits, you should think twice before going ahead with your plans.
Does he have room in his life to devote more time to this talent? No matter how skilled, your kid will have to make sacrifices in order to become the best. For example, the time required to develop his skills further could mean he has to drop other leisure or after-school classes that he enjoys, and may have to devote more time to studying the theoretical aspects of his field of interest. He might not be happy with those implications, preferring to keep his life as it is.
How has he coped with failure in the past? The very nature of competition means there are winners and losers, and chances are your kid will be a loser more times than he’s a winner. If he’s easily upset when things don’t go his way, or if he takes weeks to recover after not getting the best mark in a test, this suggests his ability to cope with failure is not strong. Imagine how much harder it will be for him if he spends years trying something – only to find success at the very top eludes him.
How good are you at supporting him? Win or lose in a competition, your kid will need your support at every stage of the way. He’ll need your encouragement and direction to stay focused; he’ll need your enthusiasm to keep his motivation high during these long, tedious training periods; and he’ll need you to pick him up emotionally when the competition is over. february 2018
"If he starts to frown or cries when you suggest that he enter competitions, think twice before going ahead with your plans."
ILLUSTRATION CHENG PUAY KOON
