Why does your tot behave so differently from his older brother? First, ask yourself these five questions, DR RICHARD C. WOOLSON suggests.
Why does your tot behave so differently from his older brother? First, ask yourself these five questions, DR RICHARD C. WOOLSON suggests.
Your older boy is well-behaved, kind to others and gentle with his friends, but his toddler brother is the exact opposite – he hits, grabs and screams.
You wish he’d learn good behaviour from his older sibling, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.
Simply put, each child behaves differently because they have different personalities, traits and abilities. So don’t expect your toddler to behave in the same way as his older brother.
Often, however, there could be other reasons your younger child is behaving so badly. Read on if you answer “yes” to the following questions:
Do I criticise my toddler more than I praise him? You could have fallen into the trap of endlessly criticising and nagging, and spend most of the day reprimanding him for his naughty behaviour.
Instead, make a specific effort to praise your toddler when he behaves well. Apart from boosting his self-esteem, it also means that he doesn’t have to misbehave in order to get your attention.
Do I tell him that he should be well-behaved – like his older brother? Your toddler’s difficult behaviour might be a reaction against this comparison. Sibling comparisons are typically divisive, and are often counter-productive.
You think this acts as an incentive for your toddler to improve his behaviour, but it might intensify his misbehaviour because he resents being compared like that.
For a more positive reaction, try to keep his older sibling out of all discussions. He wants to be treated as an individual, not in relation to his brother.
Do I manage his behaviour using the same strategies I use with his older sibling? It may be time for a different approach. As parents with more than one child discover quite quickly, what works for the first often doesn’t work for the second.
So think carefully about the rewards, punishment and other behavioural strategies you use.
Could he be jealous of his older brother? His misbehaviour may be a sign of sibling rivalry, rather than being naughty. To discourage this, make him feel special.
For example, regularly remind him how much you love him. Spend 10 to 15 minutes with him alone every day; encourage him to develop his own interests and play choices.
Make sure he isn’t always last in line for everything, and ensure that his older brother doesn’t use the age gap to his advantage. Minimising sibling jealousy could reduce misbehaviour.
Is my language negative? Choose your words more carefully. Naturally, you would be annoyed and disappointed that your toddler isn’t as wellbehaved as his older brother, and your language may reflect this, for example: “I’m really annoyed with you for hitting your friend.”
Find a more positive way to express your feelings, like: “You are usually such a caring, pleasant child that I am surprised you hit your friend.” Similarly, rather than saying: “You were very naughty for grabbing that toy”, consider: “Grabbing that toy upset your friend and I know you didn’t mean to do that.”
