It’s normal for couples to fight, but it’s important to ensure that your little one isn’t affected by it, reminds.
It’s normal for couples to fight, but it’s important to ensure that your little one isn’t affected by it, reminds.
ILLUSTRATION CHENG PUAY KOON
There is a hardly a couple who doesn’t have arguments, especially when they have kids.
Yet, no child likes to see Mum and Dad fight with each other. Consider the negative impact: First, if you spend too much time squabbling with each other, you’ll have less time for her.
Second, it creates a tense and strained atmosphere at home; and third, she doesn’t want to see the people she loves in dispute.
Here are strategies to help you work things out so your little one won’t get upset.
Keep your fights away from her Of course, there will be times when arguments erupt spontaneously between you and your spouse in front of your toddler. Where possible, delay the arguments until she is not around.
Don’t ask your toddler to take sides She loves both of you, so resist the temptation to draw her into the argument. For example, you may feel like asking her: “Don’t you think I am right?” That question forces her to choose one parent over the other. Leave her out of it.
Reassure her she is safe When your tot sees both of you in an argument, her sense of security diminishes. She may start to fear for her own safety and think to herself: “If Mum and Dad can be horrible to each other, maybe they will be horrible to me, too”. She also fears that you may hurt each other.
Explain that people need to release their feelings Despite the unpleasantness, the reality is that your two-year-old has to learn to cope with conflict and disagreements in her life. She has to learn that virtually everyone bickers sometimes, and that this is a normal – but usually undesirable – part of relationships.
Model good behaviour If your toddler sees that both of you can have a minor argument and still love each other afterwards, she’ll eventually grasp the concept that love and conflict are not mutually exclusive. She will learn that she can care deeply for someone and be annoyed with them at the same time.
Never show physical aggression Your two-yearold should never see physical aggression – or even threats – between you and your spouse.
She may become afraid to leave the house in case something dreadful happens. Or she may become afraid that one day, she will be the one who is hit.
Demonstrate compromise Show your tot that arguments can be resolved by compromise. Teach her that when two people want different things, they can reach a middle-ground through discussion and compromise. And if she learns this from you at home, she’ll be able to use this strategy when disagreeing with her friends.
Explain minor importance If a your toddler walks in on you while you are both in the middle of an argument, reassure her that the fight doesn’t really mean anything.
Tell her explicitly that although you are both angry, you are disagreeing over a small matter. Make sure she understands this so she isn’t afraid of the conflict she has observed.
