Breakups aren’t easy, and the whole process of getting over one can take a real toll. While we can’t all afford to whisk ourselves away on an Eat, Pray, Love holiday, your own love expert might be the next best thing. Introducing the Break-Up Boss, a handy app with advice like this for situations like when you’re…
PANICKING, PROPERLY PANICKING!
“Every so often in the days and weeks following a breakup, something sinister will sneak into your heart and lungs, and grip your oesophagus, and attempt to stop you breathing.
It won’t be amonster or a python,it will be panic.
You might be totally fine, happily reading your favourite magazine one minute, or you could be in a stressful work or toddler-tantrum-at-the-supermarket moment, and suddenly you have a VERY SWIFT AND LOUD AND OUCHY realisation that you’re single, and your ex is no longer in your life, and what about all the good times and you will never sit and have a cuppa with his sister again, and what about your plans for a labradoodle called Dave and, this can’t be happening, you don’t want this, it’s all a big mistake...
Breathe in and out, nice and very deeply three times, in through the nose, out through the mouth...
OK. Stop. Everything is OK. Stop. Be still.
Pop your hand on your heart, and think of something you feel deeply grateful for, such as your mum or your best mate, or your good health, or your new pink Lamborghini. The more you practise tactical breathing, the easier it to handle panic (in opportune situations).
If you’re really getting into it, memorise this and sing it to yourself when you need it:
I’m free of this situation,I’ve released my fixation, I have let you go.I’m doing great, don’t you know?Not working? Visualise the ex with food poisoning. That ought to calm you down.”
Meditation is also helpful when dealing with a breakup. I'm not asking you to become one of those Thai fisherman-pants-wearing types who never shuts up about enlightenment, but meditation (I do Transcendental Meditation) is extremely useful in times of rapid change or high stress, or when things feel crazy out of control. There are loads of decent apps out there (try Headspace or Buddhify) to help you get started.
Do not leta breakup break you
Break-Up Boss is all about getting you through the highs and lows of breaking up. From wanting to call him, to wanting to kill him (both not condoned by the app), this pocket-sized saviour will get you through the tough times. Created by the author of Textbook Romance and long-time Cosmopolitan relationship columnist Zoë Foster Blake, with illustrations by Mari Andrew, there’s some
Break-Up Boss is available at the App Store or via Google Play for $8.98, with 10 percent of each purchase going to the Safe Steps Family Violence Response Centre.
Meditation is also helpful when dealing with a breakup. I'm not asking you to become one of those Thai fisherman-pants-wearing types who never shuts up about enlightenment, but meditation (I do Transcendental Meditation) is extremely useful in times of rapid change or high stress, or when things feel crazy out of control. There are loads of decent apps out there (try Headspace or Buddhify to help you get started)
Images and Text: (in quotation marks) Break-Up Boss. Both have been altered slightly for magazine publication.