If your preschooler still needs your help to solve trivial problems, it’s time to teach her the necessary skills, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Age by stage 5-6 years
Your kindergartener overreacts every time she encounters a trivial problem – for example, she becomes hysterical when she spills a cup of water in her bedroom, she cries when she can’t find her matching sock, and she flares up the second her younger brother touches one of her toys. She needs your help to build up her problem-solving skills. Here’s how to do it:
The skill A positive attitude. Why it matters If your child approaches issues with a positive attitude, she is more likely to remain calm and find a satisfactory solution.
Encourage it Explain that she’ll be able to sort problems out more easily when she believes that she has the ability to solve them. Instead of letting herself feel sad, she should force herself to smile and say to herself: “I can do this without getting upset” – that form of positive self-talk, combined with positive body language, will have an immediate calming effect. She’ll be able to focus more effectively on solving the problem as a result.
The skill Think first, act second. Why it matters If your child reflects on the challenge facing her before she takes action, she is more likely to achieve a good outcome.
Encourage it Chat about her habit of reacting so quickly the moment she encounters an obstacle. Point out that she usually ends up in tears because she responds instantly.
Suggest that she thinks before reaching for a solution. A useful strategy is for to her to recognise that there is a problem, and then to count slowly from one to 10, all the time thinking of possible courses of action.Only after she has thought about solutions should she choose the one she prefers.
The skill Draw on past experiences. Why it matters If she considers the previous time she faced this particular problem (or one like it), she can learn lessons from that experience.
Encourage it When you see that she is about to react to a particular challenge confronting her, tell her to stop and think about the time this happened before. What did she do on that occasion? Did it work? If it did, she could use the same approach again. If not, she should use a different one. Learning such lessons enables your six-year-old to avoid repeating mistakes.
Explain that she’ll be able to sort problems out more easily when she believes that she has the ability to solve them.
The skill Voice her feelings. Why it matters If your young one expresses her emotions, she is less likely to act up when she faces a problem.
Encourage it She probably can’t stop having negative feelings when faced with a problem, as that may be her instinctive reaction. But she can stop herself from acting on these feelings, and that’s much easier when she expresses her emotions verbally.
Suggest that she says, for example, “I am getting angry” when she struggles to find a solution. Practise this with her at home, so that she gets into the habit of expressing her feelings with language.
The skill Identifying success. Why it matters If she understands what she did this time to solve the problem successfully, she’ll know what to do the next time.
Encourage it Despite her volatile behaviour and poor problem-solving skills at the moment, there will be times when she deals with a challenge successfully.
Chat about these episodes at the time they occur. Help her identify what it was she did that allowed her to solve the problem calmly, without losing control. It could be something as simple as asking for your help or being prepared to wait before reacting.
