So, your little one has a favourite parent – and it’s not you. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON explains why you and your husband should put a stop to this behaviour.
So, your little one has a favourite parent – and it’s not you. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON explains why you and your husband should put a stop to this behaviour.
Your toddler has many preferences, just like everyone else. You might even find that she listens to one of her parents more than the other, or cooperates better with one more than the other. That’s quite common.
But if you’re the “snubbed” parent, chances are you’ll feel left out. Don’t worry, though, there’s plenty you can do to restore the balance.
For a start, don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that her current preference for her daddy is a convenient habit that she will grow out of, as long as you don’t pander to it.
It has nothing to do with your parenting skills or Hubby’s; it simply suits her because that strategy helps her get what she wants.
The danger is when she realises that you’re upset by her preference. She might continue with it because she enjoys the reaction this behaviour receives.
Both you and your husband should understand that this isn’t healthy for your toddler because she’ll lose out.
After all, you both have a major contribution to make to her life, in terms of playing with her, talking to her, sharing with her and giving her love and affection.
To deliberately exclude you means that she inevitably misses stimulation from you.
Anyway, once the initial thrill of feeling “more valued” has passed, your husband will soon be exhausted from her constant attention when she makes demands on him exclusively.
Play it cool
There needs to be a change, so discuss and agree on a joint plan of action with your spouse.
The best strategy is for you to chat to your kid, and to give her instructions, whether she responds to you or not.
When she refuses to listen and instead seeks out her dad, he should either ignore her or immediately redirect her back to you.
You both need to follow this course of action consistently, no matter how much the little one tries to cut you out of the loop.
If you work together on this, she’ll quickly learn that her strategy of approaching only Daddy doesn’t pay off.
Sometimes, a two-year-old starts to snub her previous favourite and goes to the one she used to ignore.
In her eyes, this makes perfect sense – she is no longer able to get what she wants from her favoured parent, so she switches allegiance.
If that happens, apply the same strategy of behaving as though her preference doesn’t exist, no matter how much she tries to take control.
Finally, make sure that childcare tasks are shared reasonably equally between you and your husband.
It’s hardly surprising that she ignores the parent who has full responsibility for, say, setting limits on her behaviour, or for punishing her when she misbehaves, or for telling her all the time to tidy her toys.
Both you and your spouse need to share these less enjoyable parenting tasks, as well as the fun activities.
Your two-year-old thrives best when both her parents work together and support each other.
