Follow the Rules, Ma

How do you have a conversation – not confrontation – with the grandparents about sticking to your parenting rules? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON offers these suggestions.

byDr Richard C. Woolfson

How do you have a conversation – not confrontation – with the grandparents about sticking to your parenting rules? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON offers these suggestions.

While you appreciate that your toddler’s grandparents are willing babysitters, getting them to follow your rules hasn’t been easy. For example, they often allow her stay up later than usual.

To convey your message without coming across as critical requires tact and diplomacy. Here’s how to navigate these potential mine elds.

They let your one-year-old stay up for an hour longer than usual.

DON’T SAY “You are keeping her up far too late. I insist she’s in bed at her usual time.”

TRY THIS “I noticed that when she doesn’t get to bed at the usual time, she is tired and grumpy the next day, and she often refuses to eat. It’d help her if she didn’t stay up later than her normal bedtime tonight.”

They allow her to play with any toy she wants.

DON’T SAY “You give her way too many toys to play with. She needs only a couple.”

TRY THIS “She has so much fun playing with you because she loves being here. I think she’d enjoy your company even more if she played with only two or three toys at any one time. That helps develop her concentration, too.”

They pour very large drinks for her (which she never finishes).

DON’T SAY “You’re just teaching her to waste food.”

TRY THIS “We are trying to encourage her to respect food and to eat everything we put in front of her. I’m sure you agree that food wastage should be kept to an absolute minimum.”

They let her do what she wants when she is with them.

DON’T SAY “You let her do whatever she wants. That is very bad for her.”

TRY THIS “We want her to be able to get on with others her own age. We set firm limits with her because I know that if we give in to her all the time, she’ll want more and more, and others won’t like her.”

They give her far too many sweets and chocolates.

DON’T SAY “You’ll ruin her teeth with all those sugary things. It’s not right.”

TRY THIS “We’ve been advised to take good care of her baby teeth as too many sweets will damage them as well as her next set. That really worries us. Will you help make sure she doesn’t eat all that sugary stuff?”

They completely ignore the schedule given to them.

DON’T SAY “You must keep to the schedule. You can’t just do what you want with her.”

TRY THIS “It has taken us a long time to work out a schedule that suits her. She’s so much happier and settled when she follows it. We are so relieved knowing you’ll stick to it when she’s with you.”