Too shy for school?

Introverted kids can have problems transitioning into the busy culture of Primary 1. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON shows you how to help yours.

Portrait of Tammy Strobel
Introverted kids can have problems transitioning into the busy culture of Primary 1. DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON shows you how to help yours.
<b>ILLUSTRATION:</b> CHENG PUAY KOON
<b>ILLUSTRATION:</b> CHENG PUAY KOON

Your child is introverted and you are worried that she won’t speak up in primary school, where the teacher has a large class to attend to and therefore won’t have the time to mollycoddle her like her preschool teachers did. 

For example, she might be afraid to tell the teacher that she needs to go to the toilet, or to ask him to repeat his instructions. 

You know that an introverted child can easily get lost in the hubbub of the classroom. Here are eight tips to encourage her to be more outgoing: 

Don’t panic

Remember that the way she behaves also depends on the particular context. For instance, although she might be very quiet at home, she may be more talkative among her friends in class. 

So don’t assume that her personality will automatically cause problems. 

Encourage classmate friendships

The more friends she has, the more confident she’ll feel about expressing herself verbally in front of them. Encourage her to invite one or two classmates she likes to go over to your house after school. This way, she’ll be more relaxed in class. 

Avoid excessive pressure

Your young one could be afraid you will push her too quickly into social situations that make her feel anxious, or that her teacher will force her to talk in front of the class when she isn’t ready. So, reassure her that you won’t pressure her into becoming more outgoing. 

Reassure her

Remind your primary schooler that she is a lovely, talented, and very likeable child who has good ideas. 

Explain that she shouldn’t be afraid to speak out in class because everyone will value her contribution, and add that the teacher won’t be annoyed if she asks for help. Your reassurance will be helpful. 

Practise at home

Role-play situations at home in which you are the teacher and she is the pupil. Ask her questions with the requirement that she replies in a clear and loud voice. She’ll feel silly doing it at first, but she’ll soon realise the benefits. 

Have realistic expectations

Your seven-year-old doesn’t have to be the most outgoing child in the class, nor does she have to learn how to speak in front of a school assembly. She just has to gain enough social confidence to reply to her teacher and to socialise with her classmates. 

Develop her strengths

Okay, so she’s quiet in class. But perhaps she is also book- smart, or good at working in groups, or is kind, or has a good singing voice. Encourage her strengths so that she values herself, because the higher her self-esteem, the more she will feel able to speak out in class. 

Monitor her progress

Make a point of regularly asking about your kid’s experiences in class. 

Check that she communicates sufficiently with her teacher and her peers, and that she doesn’t feel that she is missing out. Keep in touch with her teacher, as well. 

The more friends she has, the more confident she’ll feel about expressing herself verbally in front of them. Encourage her to invite one or two classmates she likes to go over to your house after school. 

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