Your toddler’s strong-willed character is wearing you out. But it’s important that you stand your ground, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Age by stage 1 year
Your toddler’s strong-willed character is wearing you out. But it’s important that you stand your ground, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Why has your sweet, gentle baby transformed into an angry, demanding toddler? You never expected this, and you wonder why he has become so tenacious at such a young age.
Here’s what you should know: Your one-year-old is at an egocentric stage of development. He regards himself as extremely important – in fact, he thinks the world revolves around him – and he assumes you will do what he wants.
He refuses to back down and expects you to follow his command, simply because he has issued it. His willpower is unshakeable and the word “no” is an essential part of his everyday vocabulary.
For instance, he refuses to stop playing with a toy, even though you have asked him several times. Try not to lose your temper, no matter how uncooperative he appears.
Your little one isn’t nasty or malicious when he shows his strong will – he is simply expressing his immediate feelings, which he expects you to understand.
Naturally, those constant challenges and battle of will steadily diminish your energy. But stand your ground in the face of his refusal. Don’t let yourself be ruled by his approval or disapproval.
Respond to his “no” sympathetically, but firmly. For instance, you could say: “I know you don’t want to do this, but I want you to do it anyway.” Of course, he won’t listen to your explanation immediately, and he is likely to continue to try to get his own way, but at least you’re making a start.
Stand your ground
A particularly stubborn tot, who is determined to get his own way, is likely to explode in a tantrum when his frustration level reaches boiling point. He would have no qualms about throwing himself around in a furious rage, at any time and anywhere.
This could take place in the supermarket in the middle of the afternoon – simply because you won’t buy him a snack. Or perhaps, his temper would flare just before he goes to bed because he wants to stay up later.
Resist the temptation to give in to his demands for the sake of getting some peace. If you do, he’ll soon learn that if he makes a big enough fuss, you will eventually submit.
Before you know it, he’ll be stomping around, having a meltdown at the drop of a hat. It is difficult to refuse his demands, but you must do it or that trait will just strengthen.
So, hold the line until he cooperates. No matter how tiring it is to manage his demands, look on the potential benefits of his stubborn streak. Wait for moments when determination can work in his favour.
For example, when he refuses to give up getting that last triangular block into the shape sorter. Then, encourage him to persist. Let him see that you admire his tenacity in these contexts – not just because of the positive results he attains, but also because it means he doesn’t give up easily.
