Instead of wondering if you did something wrong or feeling rejected by this change in her affections, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON says you should be happy that they are getting along great.
Instead of wondering if you did something wrong or feeling rejected by this change in her affections, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON says you should be happy that they are getting along great.
Although your toddler used to be very attached to you, she seems to be gradually growing closer to Daddy. It’s almost as though she prefers his company.
And now you have begun to wonder if you did something wrong. Don’t worry, you shouldn’t feel threatened by this phase of your two-yearold’s life. In fact, you should be pleased that she has such a good relationship with her father. Your child benefits from different relationships in the family.
If you find that your little one is such a “daddy’s girl” – and you feel left out in the cold – remember these dos and don’ts.
DON’T
Sulk or feel sorry for yourself Feeling sorry for, or blaming, yourself doesn’t help improve the situation. Stay actively involved. Make an effort to create change in your two-year-old’s behaviour.
Blame her father Unless he specifically discourages your toddler from going to you – which is highly unlikely unless your relationship is under pressure – there is no point in blaming him for your child’s apparent favouritism. It’s not his fault; there are other possible explanations.
Take it personally Remind yourself it has nothing to do with how effective you are as a parent. There’s no rejection involved. Maybe your little one prefers her father to you because he plays more interesting games or because he is more patient. Each has his own strengths and weaknesses as a parent.
Give in to her demands Resist any temptation to let her have her own way if she cries because she can’t be with her father. After all, each of you is as loving a parent as the other. No matter how upset you feel inside, don’t stand back from your child. Have confidence in yourself.
DO
Take action Stop her from playing favourites soon as you notice the habit developing. Rather than waiting until you are frustrated with her closeness with her father or until he complains about it himself, take action straight away. The longer you let your child play the “I’m closer to Daddy” game, the harder it is to make a change.
Discourage favouritism Make sure that you discourage her exclusivity with Dad. Of course, it is easier to leave your toddler with your husband because this means she will be settled and contented, but this merely strengthens her attitude. Instead, make sure that both of you spend time caring for her, together and individually.
Get involved Insist that she spends time with you, no matter how much she moans, groans and cries about it. Insist even if she throws a full-blown raging tantrum. The more involved you are with your toddler, the better. When you play an active part in feeding, washing and playing with her, “I want my Daddy” will be less likely to be heard.
Persist She may initially sob when she realises she cannot be with her father all the time – expect her to resist the change. But make up your mind to persist irrespective of her reaction. Tell yourself that this is in her best interest and that she will stop this favouritism.
No matter how upset you feel inside, don’ t stand back from your child. Have confidence in yourself.
ILLUSTRATION CHENG PUAY KOON
