You want to boost your toddler’s confidence, but praising her too often can lead to problems, warns DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Age by stage 2 years
You want to boost your toddler’s confidence, but praising her too often can lead to problems, warns DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Part of positive parenting involves recognising your two-year-old’s achievements and praising her successes – your positive reaction will encourage her to try harder the next time. But it’s also important to take a step back and assess if you are overpraising her. Excessive praise can lead to these problems: It loses its effectiveness Praise your toddler too often for the slightest thing when she hasn’t really earned it, and the effect will diminish.
These positive comments will become routine. She knows she doesn’t really deserve it Your child may start to wonder if your words are genuine. As she grows older, she could think: “Does Mum really mean what she said about me being so good at this?” She doesn’t learn to cope An overpraised child’s first encounter with failure will send her crashing to the ground. Not being able to tackle challenges reduces her psychological resilience.
Her self-belief vastly outstrips her ability Using praise when it is not justified can lull her into overestimating her talents, causing her to aim for targets well beyond her capabilities. She thinks she is fabulous Complimenting her excessively for her strengths, especially without counterbalancing it with helpful criticism of her weaknesses, can give her an unbalanced perspective of herself. She can easily become too full of her own importance.
How to praise effectively
Make praise an important part of your discipline. It is an excellent way to encourage your tot to try hard, and to be proud of her achievements. That’s why you should always try to use more praise than punishment. It’s also useful in boosting her progress and confidence. Even if you worry about overpraising, as a general guide, praise should be used more frequently for positive behaviour than punishment for negative acts.
But think before you gush – make sure she has earned these positive remarks. Your praise sets a standard for her to strive for, so if that standard is too low, she won’t make any effort to try harder in the future. Specify why you are so pleased. This is so that she recognises the elements of her behaviour to repeat.
Be clear with her: “I’m so pleased you helped me tidy your toys; that was very kind of you.” Besides praising for her achievements, provide reassurance when she is unsuccessful. For times when your two-year-old doesn’t make the mark, remind her that she can do better the next time if she tries harder. Ensure that she is not afraid of failure, encourage her to think about what went wrong, and suggest strategies for success.
Bear in mind that timing matters. When praising her, it is most effective if you do so immediately after the event or achievement has occurred. She has a short memory, so don’t leave it for later in the day; otherwise, she might have forgotten what it was she did that attracted these positive comments.
Complimenting her excessively for her strengths, especially without counterbalancing it with helpful criticism of her weaknesses, can give her an unbalanced perspective of herself.
