DATING A MUMMY’S BOY – YAY OR NAY

In this new monthly column, media personality Jade Seah talks about finding love, dating and friendship. This month, she faces off with Jason Godfrey on dating a mummy’s boy.

WHY I CAN’T

JADE SEAH

He needs his mum’s approval on everything, while she can do no wrong (even when she’s at fault). He’s clueless in the domestic department, and probably has no intention of moving out to live independently.

I’m talking about the mama’s boys or mummy’s boys – men who are greatly influenced by or attached to their mothers. Many of my girlfriends have dated mummy’s boys, and the horror stories range from the fights they have had (involving *gulp* his mum), reporting to Mummy on every detail, to as far as not letting the girlfriend take a bite out of a dish she prepared for her precious offspring.

You’ll see me running for the hills at the first sign of a man who is overly attached to his mother. Sure, there are some upsides to dating a mummy’s boy – being more in touch with his feelings, perhaps having better manners, and being more communicative and respectful towards women – but the positives end there.

I’ll never be numero uno in his life. That spot is occupied by one woman – his mum. Before you date a mummy’s boy, you have to be okay with it. Else, you’d be fighting a losing battle in this relationship.

For me, I need to be Number One in my man’s life. Besides, I don’t find mummy’s boys sexy. A manly man who is independent is what I find attractive. I certainly don’t want to baby a fullygrown man. Friends yes, but lovers with a man-child? Erm, no thanks.

I have a friend who once dated a mummy’s boy. Their dinner dates were confined to mummy’s homecooked meals – seven days a week – because “mum’s food is the best”. Others had to learn how to cook their boyfriend’s favourite dishes from his mum. Sadly, I’m no domestic goddess and that makes me an immediate “fail”.

But the worst is having to seek mummy’s opinion on nearly everything, including his wardrobe and car. Imagine househunting as a trio with his mum, who has the final say of what’s your dream flat. Still, while such a relationship may not work for me, it could work for other women.

Me? I’ll stick with the manly man. His insensitive and uncommunicative ways may drive me nuts, but that’s when I reach out to my girlfriends, and my wonderful mummy. Hey, no one ever said anything about not dating mummy’s girls, right?

WHY YOU SHOULD

JASON GODFREY

You may be wrong if you think dating a mama’s boy doesn’t sound like having a crazy, sexy good time. I fail at being the bad boy, but a mama’s boy is pretty much what I am, and someone who’s agreeable but confident – all thanks to mama.

Now, the mama’s boy is polite – and he doesn’t want to argue with authoritative figures and just wants everyone to get along, get you home, and perhaps, serve you a delicious meal (if he can cook).

Sure, the picture of you sitting on the couch chilling isn’t quite as sexy as having the brooding bad boy sweeping you off your feet. But he’s responsible. He ensures the taxes get paid on time, the mortgages are taken care of, and the toilet paper is stocked up! Everything about him runs like a welloiled engine.

He, too, is sensitive, caring, and a creature of empathy – thanks to the incredible amount of time spent with mama. A bad boy, on the other hand, needs big signs (from women) when things don’t go your way. Picture this: You yelling, screaming, and banging your head on the wall for him to notice that maybe something is wrong. Painful.

A mama’s boy recognises nuance and subtlety.

He is attuned to the emotional ups and downs because of his close relationship with his mother. Plus, he’s a cornucopia of hugs and cuddles on the couch. What’s there to dislike: He’s into hand massaging, foot rubbing, and he’ll even join you for your favourite drama series, too!

Okay, I know your concerns.

What if your man is a little too attached at the hip to his mother? What if the matriarch constantly comes and goes in your life – doing the dishes, cooking dinners, doing his laundry and it’s simply driving you out the door to watch your boyfriend being coddled at the proverbial teat of motherhood.

Girls, I say embrace it! If his mama insists on hanging around doing all the housework and taking care of her son, let her do what she needs to do.

You don’t lose because he still loves you dearly – and your relationship isn’t falling apart.

It just means more spare time for yourself – minus the domestic chores.