Our senior writer likes gadgets in a car, but only if they’re what James Bond would use.
LIKE most James Bond enthusiasts, I have plenty of fantasies that involve plenty of sexy, fast automobiles and equally fast car chases.
But they don’t include any dalliances with alluring Bond girls. Because I could end up being assassinated by my better half before I could finish saying: “My name is…”
Instead, my Bond fantasies revolve around in-car gizmos that would help me beat traffic jams and punish the villains (reckless drivers) of our roads.
To expedite my journey, I’d like an advanced traffic warning function that detects accidents.
The moment a collision occurs within five kilometres of my position, said system would immediately provide me with an alternative route.
To enable me to scan the roads ahead, the system will also have a periscope-like display with a 5000x zoom for the front passenger to operate.
Another nifty gizmo on board would be a PA device that broadcasts directly into another vehicle’s hi-fi system.
There’s no better way to alert drivers who are not paying attention to the road than having my voice booming from their loudspeakers.
Naturally, any loud scolding from me would be done in a firm but civilised manner. I wouldn’t want to be arrested for criminal intimidation.
If the errant driver refuses to correct his driving right away, I would launch my car’s autonomous high-speed drone, which records video in 4K resolution. The “movie clip” will provide the traffic police with multi-angle evidence of the road menace in action.
The only non-car gadget I want is Bond’s electromagnetic watch in Live And Let Die, because it has both practical and cheeky applications.
With said timepiece on my wrist, I could “magically” open car doors for my wife or find the earrings that fell under the bed. Better still, I would use the watch to deftly unzip her dress. And when she mentions my delicate touch, I’ll borrow Bond’s quote from the film: “Sheer magnetism, darling.”
JEREMY DOESN’T NEED TO BE A SECRET AGENT TO MAKE HIS WOMAN SWOON. DONNING A WELL-TAILORED SUIT AND DABBING A BIT OF COLOGNE USUALLY DO THE TRICK.
Dial +44 007 to order a Bond gizmo for your car, even if it’s not an Aston.