You think it’s cute to dress your kids alike, so why is your child making a fuss? It’s a sign of her growing independence, DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON explains.
You think it’s cute to dress your kids alike, so why is your child making a fuss? It’s a sign of her growing independence, DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON explains.
Dressing two children the same way is always delightful. One of our favourite family photos shows our six-year-old daughter wearing a T-shirt that reads: “I’m the big sister”, and our four-year-old daughter wearing a similar T-shirt that says: “I’m the little sister”. Another wonderful holiday snap shows them at ages eight and six years wearing similar dresses.
They look so cute in the photos. But, by that age, we already felt they wore those dresses mainly to please us, and that they were well on the way to developing their own sense of style.
The “I want to dress differently from her” cry is a sign of your child’s growing independence and of her steadily increasing sense of self.
It’s not that she doesn’t love her sibling, and it’s probably not that she dislikes the clothes you have chosen. It’s that she is aware of her own individuality, that she has different skills, talents and abilities from her sister, and that she also has her own distinctive dress sense.
This is a perfectly healthy sign of psychological maturity, and is nothing for you to fear (although it does mark the end of an era, and you won’t see such photos anymore until probably another 20 years or so, when they might occasionally wear the same outfit!).
Don’t fight it
Your challenge is to allow your child’s independence to develop and grow, while still offering her guidance and support.
The problem is that if you are too prescriptive and controlling about what she has to wear, you’ll undermine her self-confidence and reduce her willingness to cooperate with you.
And she’ll certainly be in a foul mood if she has to wear something she rejects.
Your kindergartener needs to become more independent, and to learn to manage her appearance by herself. That’s why it’s best to take a positive approach, rather than to force her to wear clothes that you have picked for her.
So, listen to her comments and don’t take them as a criticism of your taste in clothes. Let her see that you understand her point of view (even though you might disagree with it).
Then, talk to her about the sorts of clothes she would prefer to wear. That will give you a clearer idea of her dress preferences. Tell her you’re delighted that she is taking such an interest in her physical appearance.
The next step is to reach a compromise with her about her wardrobe. Obviously you can’t buy a new set of clothes for her just because she wants to be different from her little sister.
But you could negotiate with her so that, say, you go shopping together to buy a couple of tops that she chooses for herself. She can slowly build up her own range of clothes that way. In addition, make sure that both girls don’t wear the same clothes when you go out together as a family.
You’ll find that encouraging this aspect of your kid’s independence will have a number of positive effects.
For a start, she’ll be happier when she goes out with her little sister because they will no longer be dressed alike.
Second, there will be fewer arguments when it comes to getting dressed in the morning!
And third, you’ll notice that she is more confident in other areas of her life – a child who feels good about her appearance usually has strong self-esteem, as well.
