Why It’s All About The Second Date

With social media stalking taking the hard work out of the first date, round two is when you really get to know him, says Millie Chandler.

Portrait of Tammy Strobel
With social media stalking taking the hard work out of the first date, round two is when you really get to know him, says Millie Chandler.
Corbis/Click Photos
Corbis/Click Photos

Oh, the power of the internet. It’s brought us so many incredible things so far, yet it’s also the main reason why there’s no such thing as a blind date any more. These days, all you need is the name of the guy and you can go to town like an FBI agent tracking down a suspect, all from behind a crumblittered keyboard.

“Date-stalking online has completely changed the landscape of how we hook up,” explains sex and relationship guru Somerset Maxwell. Well, this is definitely the case for Sarah, 25, who won’t even think about meeting someone unless she has carried out her own internet search on them. “I make sure that I check out every profile, ‘like’, tweet and comment I can,” she tells us. “And I even have a fake LinkedIn account because that site lets the person know who has been looking at their page.”

As you delve into the datestalking vortex, you have the ability to analyse the aspect of your potential date’s online identity. “Because of this, the first date is usually pretty quick; it’s to check that the person isn’t a psycho,” says Somerset. “It’s all about the second date now.”

Setting The Scene

If you do decide your guy is worthy of moving onto phase two, the location is vital. Go somewhere relaxed, like your local pub or cafe. Try to keep things low-key, and don’t go somewhere overly noisy or with too many distractions. Also, it’s a really good idea to suggest that you two start off with a drink, then if things are going well, you can move on to dinner. If you commit to both right away, it’s harder to leave after a drink if you’re not vibing.

The Date Gauge

Your intuition will usually kick in if the date is bombing, but if you need some objective signs to confirm that it’s a bust, sex therapist Maxine Abbott says you should look for these classic signs of “It’s not going so well”:

1. Extended periods of silence;

2. Wanting to check your phone;

3. Checking out guys around you (or vice versa);

4. Being put in the friend zone. Conversely, if you end up staying out way longer than you planned and all your “awkward” silences are filled with you grinning ear to ear, then, congratulations, it’s time to sign up for date three!

Kiss And Tell

Two CLEO readers share their second-date stories.

Nailed it 

“I’d already done my preliminary first-date coffee and was really into the guy. We met at a bar by the beach and chatted all night. We’ve now been together six months and he says the reason it went so well was because I wasn’t overly pushy the first few times I met him. It made him feel special that I chose to spend time with him.” Jen, 20

Failed it

“I thought things were going really well with my date, until he started telling me about his job. He said he was a big-time music producer, but I knew from all his social media profiles that he worked in a record store. When I called him out about it, he said I was the weird one for knowing so much about him already by the second date!” Sofia, 25

More: first date