Are those saucy lyrics to her favourite song making you mad with rage? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON wants you to sit back and stay calm.
Age by stage 5-6 years
Are those saucy lyrics to her favourite song making you mad with rage? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON wants you to sit back and stay calm.
Your six-year-old loves singing lines from pop tunes, and you love watching her performing those musical numbers. But what if she’s belting out words like “Hey, sexy lady”, “Can you blow my whistle, baby”, or “I got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it”? Suddenly, you start to panic. You reassure yourself she obviously doesn’t understand these suggestive lyrics; she just enjoys the catchy melodies.
Then you wonder if you should explain the words to her, or even stop her from singing these songs altogether. She is only six, after all. Pop stars come and go, as do hit songs. So, almost certainly, the song that your kindergartener admires today will be forgotten and replaced by another one within a few weeks.
If you overreact to your child singing Bruno Mars’ “Your sex takes me to paradise” or Katy Perry’s “Skinny-dipping in the park, we had a menage a trois”, the danger is that she’ll realise this is a great way to grab your attention. She probably won’t understand why, since she has no idea what the lyrics mean, but she knows the words get you worked up.
And soon, she’ll be singing them even louder! So the best strategy is to relax, say nothing and simply wait patiently until a different song becomes her favourite next week.
Be prepared for questions
You may feel unable to ignore her singing if, for example, you are in a shopping mall and everyone turns to see your kid singing lyrics from a Miley Cyrus hit: “To my home girls here with the big butt, shaking it like we at a strip club.” Their disapproving stares could make you feel compelled to take immediate action.
If you do, don’t shout angrily at her to be quiet; instead, tell her firmly to stop singing and that the song is not suitable for children her age. Make sure she understands you are serious, but that you are not annoyed with her. As far as she is concerned, she was only singing.
Time for the talk?
You may decide to use such incidents as a starting point for discussing sex with your child, especially if she persists in asking why you didn’t like those songs or what the words meant. Before doing that, though, clarify your own feelings about sex. For instance, if you think nudity is something to be ashamed of, you’ll overreact when talking to her about nakedness.
Children have an amazing ability to ask questions that throw adults off-track and they are usually uninhibited in their sexual enquiries. Anticipate questions like “Who? How? Why? When?” and have a reasonable answer ready. Your face might redden, but you can’t expect your child to develop a mature attitude to sex if you giggle with embarrassment the minute the topic is raised.
Always pitch your explanations at a level your child can understand. Don’t go into unnecessary detail unless she specifically asks, though it depends on her maturity, understanding and background knowledge. One six-year-old might be fascinated by the ins and outs of the male and female reproductive systems, whereas another could end up confused. Keep descriptions simple and direct.
If you overreact to your child singing, the danger is that she’ll realise this is a great way to grab your attention.
