Grandma’s sweetie turns into a brat when he’s with you? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON singles out the reasons.
Grandma’s sweetie turns into a brat when he’s with you? DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON singles out the reasons.
Strange but true: Your toddler misbehaves only with you. That’s because others have several advantages.
For starters, there is the novelty factor. The relative unfamiliarity of another person can have a very stabilising effect on a two-year-old’s behaviour.
For example, if your friend cared for your child every day, his excitement at being with her would soon wear off. You can be sure he’ll misbehave with her occasionally, as well.
Secondly, time is a factor. Unlike others, you can’t hand him back after a few hours. They also don’t spend the whole day with your kid, dealing with every challenge he meets and ensuring that his schedule runs according to plan.
Finally, others may be able to provide a broader range of activities in an environment that also has more social opportunities. That’s one reason your tot is better behaved at preschool than he is at home.
If his behaviour is always different with you, and if it concerns you, consider if you need to change the way you manage him. Ask yourself these questions:
Do I expect too much of him?
If you do, it’s likely that he’ll fail to meet your expectations. Think about the standard of behaviour you want him to meet.
It may be unrealistic, for example, to expect him to sit quietly for an hour and play on his own, or for him to finish his meal quickly without messing with his food.
Do I allow my rules to be flexible?
Of course, you need clear limits on his behaviour – these guidelines help him learn to think about himself and others.
But flexibility can be useful, for instance, when he is tired or feeling unwell. Don’t be afraid to bend the rules occasionally, particularly when you are on a family outing.
Do I use more reward than punishment?
Although punishment can be appropriate at times when your toddler misbehaves, try to use rewards more frequently.
Punishments focus on things your tot did wrong, whereas rewards point to what he did right. So, learn to balance both.
Do I give him enough attention?
Children thrive on it, and if your kid thinks that he doesn’t get enough attention from you, he may resort to misbehaviour.
As far as he is concerned, negative attention is better than no attention at all. So don’t wait until your two-year-old does something wrong before spending time with him.
Do I criticise him excessively?
Living with a toddler can be very demanding and it is very easy to fall into a negative relationship, especially if he is challenging. You might end up criticising and nagging him more than you expected.
Try to adopt a positive approach.
Do I pack in too much during the day?
He needs plenty of stimulation, so he enjoys having a busy life. If his schedule is too hectic, however, he’ll become irritable and uncooperative despite your good intentions.
Doing less during the day could lead to an improvement in his behaviour.
