Of course you’re angry that his report card’s all red. But don’t lash out; let him know you want to help, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
Age by stage 7-9 years
Of course you’re angry that his report card’s all red. But don’t lash out; let him know you want to help, says DR RICHARD C. WOOLFSON.
It’s the end of the school year, and your child didn’t do as well as you hoped he would. You are very disappointed with his results – you want to know what happened so you can help him improve. Get the conversation started on the right note with these suggestions.
What not to say “You have let me down with your poor results this year. Wait till your father hears about this!”
Why it doesn’t work Your comment suggests that the fault is your child’s alone. It also indicates that he should achieve more for your benefit, not his. His self-confidence will drop even further. Say this instead “What can we do to help you be more successful next year? Do you need extra help? Or shall we organise your study corner more efficiently? I know that you want to improve, and I want you to improve, too, so let’s work together on this.”
What not to say “You are not trying hard enough. I have told you so often to spend more time on your homework and less on your iPad.” Why it doesn’t work You assume that he put little effort into his studies. He might have tried very hard, and his poor grades might not be due to his lack of enthusiasm or leisure activities. He’ll feel frustrated and misunderstood.
Say this instead “Sometimes, you can try very hard, yet still not get the results you want. Do you think you tried hard? Do you think it’s possible to get better results if you worked harder next year? It’s important to try your best in school.”
What not to say “I can’t trust you to study responsibly so there will be no more afterschool activities. You’ll spend the school holidays studying.”
Why it doesn’t work Your child thrives on a sensible balance of schoolwork and leisure. Excessive studying without breaks could demotivate, bore and exhaust him, leaving him frustrated and resentful. He needs regular breaks. Say this instead “It could help if we cut down a little on after-school activities next year, as that will ease the pressure on your time. Think about one activity you can drop for a while, and we’ll see if that has any effect on your progress.”
What not to say “As punishment for doing so badly, I’m going to cut your pocket money, and you will go to bed 10 minutes earlier each school night from now on. That serves you right.”
Why it doesn’t work Use punishment to manage your child’s behaviour, but make them reasonable and proportionate. The promise of rewards for hard work can be more effective than threats of sanctions for his poor academic performance. Say this instead “If you achieve better results next year, as a special reward, we will visit your favourite theme park. Isn’t that something pleasant to look forward to?”
The promise of rewards for hard work can be more effective than threats of sanctions for his poor academic performance.
