“Nurture more, control less” seems to be the motto of these three cool mums, who show us how their kids have thrived under their unconventional parenting styles. BY SMITA WEE.
“Nurture more, control less” seems to be the motto of these three cool mums, who show us how their kids have thrived under their unconventional parenting styles. BY SMITA WEE.
ALICIA TAN, 38
Marketer.
Mum to Lu, eight.
Her style: She learns alongside her daughter. “I think of myself as more of a submarine parent – nearby but out of sight – and that allows my daughter to tackle adversities on her own yet be assured that I’m there to help out in times of need.
“We are extremely close because of her early homeschool years and the amount of time we spend together. Last year, she wanted to learn ice skating and I signed up for classes with her. I am glad to say we are both competent on ice now. We also attended Tahiti dance lessons for a while and we are considering adding yoga to our weekend regime.
“Lu and I get along like a house on fire because we are very alike – but we have bad clashes too. She once insisted on taking her Grade 2 violin exam but I was against it because I felt we were taking on too many things. After hearing her out, though, I conceded but drew up some terms on practice and expected commitment.
“As parents, we want the best for our children and want to shelter them, but I have to recognise that I will not be here forever, so I hope for Lu to be able to handle setbacks in life and bounce right back up. I want her to realise that it is learning from experience and setbacks that leads us to greater things.”
EVANGELINE LEONG, 27
Stay-at-home Mum.
Mum to Judah, 17 months.
Her style: She mothers purely on instinct.
“I believe every child is unique and they should be taught and disciplined in a way that they best respond to. I also trust my own instincts and prefer to stick to my own values over what the experts say. The key is to be consistent without being rigid. If a method doesn’t work, try something else.
“Many experts talk about the ill-effects of using technology in front of babies and while I don’t dismiss their advice, I think it’s hard to keep babies away from technology and media. We are practically chained to our smartphones!
“Judah watches a few educational programmes on a daily basis. While he’s engaged, I get time to shower, clean the kitchen or cook. The only exception is, I don’t allow him to watch videos during mealtimes as I believe it is important for him to learn and observe while we eat. It is a way of family bonding.
“I want Judah to know that he has a purpose on earth and that he can contribute to society in his own unique way. And I want him to know that he doesn’t have to be affected by what people think of him because we shouldn’t live for the approval of others.”
"I avoid stereotyping and labelling her. People should be allowed to “change, progress and evolve".
PEPPER SEE, 37.
Local Artist and Producer.
Mum to Juno, nine.
Her style: She’s a free-spirited mum who’s all about compassion. “I give Juno a lot of freedom to express herself and guide her when needed, but I try not to fix her into any mould – I avoid stereotyping and labelling her. People should be allowed to change, progress and evolve.
“The freedom to express oneself is important because it teaches her how to think, analyse, reflect and communicate her views, or even just to digest and process. I want her to learn to look at the bigger picture – to be aware of what is going on in the world – and not just take things as they are. This awareness is what makes a good person.
“I want to be the best I can for Juno and impart whatever wisdom or values I have about what constitutes a good person. That’s why I focus on empathy and compassion. I believe that if more people had these, it would solve a lot of problems in society and on earth.
“Thankfully, Juno has cultivated a lot of empathy. She is a good elder sister to her cousins and hardly fights with anyone. If someone gets hurt or is sad, she knows how to show concern. I think it’s very important that she appreciates experiences over material gains.” SH
