Now that your child is in primary school, you and your spouse seem to have differing expectations about what you want him to be.
One of the most common reasons for parental disagreement about how to manage a tween is an inadvertent reluctance to accept that he is growing up.
You and your husband have been fighting a lot recently because you both seem to have different expectations of your tween, whether it’s his academic results or character development.
Things were so much clearer when your child was younger, and there was far less to disagree about.
Now he’s older, there are many complicated choices to be made, for instance, about his education, interests, friendships, family relationships, personality, and leisure time.
Here are seven suggestions to help you reconcile your differences and reconnect again.
Remove your child from the battlefield It is always harder to settle disagreements when others are watching. If you argue about your child in his presence, the emotional stakes are raised, as neither of you wants to lose face in front of him.
In addition, he will be distressed to see you fight with each other. It is far better to resolve your parenting grievances in private.
Stop fighting and start discussing Of course you both want the best for Junior, and of course you both think you know what is best for him.
But confrontation only creates barriers between you. You are unlikely to persuade each other by shouting.
No matter how strongly you feel about your tween’s future, discuss your ideas calmly with each other, without sulking, losing your temper or storming off in a huff.
Listen to each other Every parent’s ideas about how to raise their kid are based on a variety of sources, such as their own upbringing, books and magazines about parenting, watching other parents, and their own experience of parenting.
That’s why you and your spouse often have different ideas about what’s best for your child. Listen to each other, without criticising, and be prepared to consider your partner’s ideas.
Acknowledge change One of the most common reasons for parental disagreement about how to manage a tween is an inadvertent reluctance to accept that he is growing up.
It’s hard to admit that he is no longer a youngster who generally does what you want, and that he now has his own thoughts and wishes.
As he changes, his individual identity shows through – and accepting that change is part of your parenting challenge.
Avoid extremes Whatever different expectations you have of your kid, as a general rule, you and your spouse should try to avoid extremes. Too much of anything is rarely good for him – from overloading him with homework and revision to allowing him to spend too much time on social media or even sports.
In other words, whatever you and your husband expect of him, try to achieve a balanced approach.
Be flexible Parenting strategies can change and adapt. Just because, say, you encouraged your kid to spend weeks preparing for the exams last year doesn’t mean you must do exactly the same this time round – after all, he is probably more mature and more able to manage his own study schedule, compared to last year. And if one parenting strategy doesn’t work, think about trying a different one.
Take a long-term view Looking back even now, you’ll realise in hindsight that many of the parenting decisions you worried about were not that important in the long run.
So, try not to disagree over the trivial issues. The reality is, one minute your child is a baby, then in the blink of an eye, he has grown up and left home to make his own way in the world. Your task is to work together as his parents, guiding him as best you can.
