The daily demands of caring for a baby are no reason to skip love-making. ELISA CHIA asks the sex questions you’re too shy to bring up.
The daily demands of caring for a baby are no reason to skip love-making. ELISA CHIA asks the sex questions you’re too shy to bring up.
OUR EXPERT
Dr Greg Smalley is the author of 17 relationship books. He was recently in Singapore with his wife, Erin, to give a marriage talk organised by Focus on the Family. The couple have four grown-up children.
Why shouldn’t Hubby and I sleep in separate rooms? It’s easier for me to breastfeed our new baby, and he gets a peaceful night’s rest. The greatest advice that I ever received when we had our first baby is that your child is “part” of your family, not the “centre”. You shouldn’t view him as the most important member.
As a father of four, I understand that it takes a tremendous amount of time to care for a young baby. However, we shouldn’t make decisions that compromise the relationship between husband and wife – a strong marriage is the greatest gift we can give our children. My advice is that your baby sleeps in his own room. It might be a difficult phase at first, but he will get used to it. A couple needs to be in the same room, so they can use that privacy to keep their marriage strong.
Is co-sleeping a better arrangement than having Hubby move out of the room? We can share the bed with Baby. No! A great marriage doesn’t happen by accident; it requires time together. Research shows that how a couple says goodnight can keep a relationship strong. Some of the best times that a husband and wife have are right before they go to bed together.
They are able to have physical intimacy, conversation and affection. Don’t give up this precious time simply to allow your baby to sleep in your bed. This won’t help keep your marriage strong. My wife and I have never allowed any of our four children share our bed, nor did I have to move into another room.
I’m too tired to make love, but Hubby keeps bugging me. Should I have sex just to appease him? Certainly, caring for a new baby is exhausting work and it makes sense that you won’t feel like having sex. However, the goal in this season of life has to include keeping your marriage strong, as well. Sex is a great way to invest in your relationship.
I’d encourage you to view the bedroom session not as “appeasing” your husband, but realise how it benefits you, as well. Sex releases endorphins and hormones that are wonderful for your body – it has an amazing way of re-energising you. Since a woman needs to feel connected, sex also brings intimacy into the relationship with your husband.
What ’s your take on having a fixed schedule for sex? I know that it doesn’t sound very romantic, but a fixed sexual schedule sends a great message to a couple: “Our marriage is important and we will fight to keep it strong.” My wife shares this story of a woman who used to write “TS” on her calendar.
When asked what “TS” meant, she explained that it stands for “think sex”. In other words, this was how the woman fought for her marriage and how she was able to keep this important part of their relationship on her mind. If penning it down on your calendar doesn’t work for you, think of another way to keep sex as a priority in your marriage.
Sex releases endorphins and hormones that are wonderful for your body - it has an amazing way of re-energising you.
The daily demands of caring for a baby are no reason to skip love-making. ELISA CHIA asks the sex questions you’re too shy to bring up.
How important is sex in a marriage? Extremely important! Sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together. When a couple isn’t making love, it’s easy for the relationship to drift. Don’t allow this to happen.
Our sex life is predictable, but we are not adventurous enough to try a new approach. Truthfully, when you’ve been married a long time, there are only so many new ways to explore the human body. The key isn’t to find new or exciting approaches; it is to stay curious and fascinated in your spouse. My wife is always changing as a person. My job isn’t to find new love-making positions; instead, it is to stay curious about her. Make it your goal to stay curious about who your spouse is.
Ask questions like: “How are you doing?”, “What is your biggest frustration at work?”, “What were the highs and lows of your day?”, “What is one way we could improve our love-making?” These questions will keep you up to date about your spouse. The more curious and fascinated you are in each other, the stronger your sexual relationship will be.
Romantic staycations
These hotels are sure to help up the sizzle in your marriage.
PARKROYAL ON PICKERING
This hotel-in-a-garden features cascading foliage, sky gardens, waterfalls and wall planters throughout the property – just what every couple needs to relax and reconnect. Enjoy exclusive access to its outdoor rooftop terraces, which offer a panoramic city view, when you book its Orchid Club room. Other privileges include a champagne breakfast, afternoon tea and evening cocktails. Rates start from $333++; enjoy 10 per cent off when you book by Dec 31. Visit www.parkroyalhotels.com/ Singapore/Pickering
M SOCIAL
A “love shack” – that’s how star designer Philippe Starck, who’s behind this hip hotel, envisions it. Choose from four room types, including the Alcove Cosy, which features bare concrete walls with mirrored surfaces (a Starck signature); and the Loft Gallery, a duplex-style loft with raw marble flooring and high ceilings. A queen-size bed sits on the mezzanine level. Walk out to a private terrace when you book the Alcove Terrace or Loft Terrace rooms. Rates start from $218++, which includes breakfast for two. Visit www.msocial.com.sg
W SINGAPORE
If red is for passion, you’ll love the mood here at this luxury property’s Away Room. Its glass sliding doors open up to a private terrace with a plunge pool. It’s also located on the same floor as the hotel’s spa, where you can enjoy pampering treatments. Book its Madly in Love promotion by Dec 31. You’ll get in-room breakfast for two, a bottle of champagne and afternoon tea at Woobar. Rates start from $342++ per night. Visit www.wsingaporesentosacove.com
