Going Strong

These couples prove that hard work and commitment will keep you on the right path in marriage. In conjunction with their milestone anniversaries, we asked them to share their stories and tips for making it work.

Portrait of Tammy Strobel

These couples prove that hard work and commitment will keep you on the right path in marriage. In conjunction with their milestone anniversaries, we asked them to share their stories and tips for making it work.

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THE PRAGMATIC APPROACH

Glenda Wong, 41, vice-president of marketing at a bank, and Leonard Cheok, 45, associate director at an architecture firm.

Celebrating their 10th anniversary.

“She used to call and harass me,” Leonard says of the couple’s early interactions. In 2001, they met while working on the revamp of a shopping centre. He was with the architecture firm and she worked in the client’s advertising and promotions department.

Glenda says she simply wanted the drawings for the project. Nonetheless, Leonard began to join her team for coffee after meetings and they got to know each other. A year later, they started dating officially.

Two years after that, they decided to get married. But even before tying the knot another two years later in 2006, they had already scouted for a flat, opened a joint savings account and begun to think about retirement planning. “We weren’t young when we met,” explains Leonard. “When you’re mature, you know you want to settle down and what you want in your partner. So once you are more or less certain about that, you can work on all the practical decisions like housing and finances.”

Their first daughter came along in 2011 and, as Glenda puts it, “she changed our whole lifestyle”. Because both sets of grandparents were frail and ageing, the couple enrolled their daughter in a day-care centre near Glenda’s workplace.

“That was basically the end of our ‘we-time’,” says Leonard. Their little one took precedence over everything.

Now, when they have a rare date night, their “big, bright lamp post” gets to come along. But they say the happiness in their marriage is intertwined with the joys of parenthood.

The best moment, Leonard recalls, was hearing their daughter’s first word, “papa”. And Glenda fondly remembers her daughter comforting her when she saw her crying… because of a Korean drama she was watching. “These priceless moments make it all worthwhile,” she says.

The couple had their second child in August 2016 and have high hopes for the journey ahead. Asked what the best part of their marriage has been, Glenda smiles and says: “I hope the best part hasn’t happened yet.”

“She used to call and harass me.”

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CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS

Tammy Cheng, 47, Montessori kindergarten principal, and Roberto Carlos de Costa, 47, musician.

Celebrating their 20th anniversary.

They were only six years old and living in the same neighbourhood when they first met. But Tammy and Roberto didn’t become good friends until they were 13, in 1983.

They both went to the same secondary school and were in the brass band. “I was impressed that he sang and played the drum so well,” says Tammy. She also liked that he was friendly, polite and helpful. Roberto was smitten by her good looks and the way she could communicate so well with him.

They became a couple in 1986, at 16. “We got married on our 11th anniversary as a couple, in 1997,” says Roberto proudly. “I saw her in her wedding gown for the first time when she walked into the church. What a beauty! ”

Their wedding dinner was a memorable night of endless dancing and singing. “And rock ’n’ roll,” adds Roberto. The highlight was a comedy skit telling their love story, put up by Tammy’s boss and colleagues, including TV personality Gurmit Singh.

Since then, they’ve been falling in love with each other over and over again, says Tammy. “I’m a hopeless romantic,” she confesses. “I dare say we are more in love now than when we first met.”

Roberto admits it hasn’t always been easy – as a musician, his job involves lots of alcohol and many late nights. Tammy says open communication and constructive feedback are what got them through the tough times.

“There was a lot of temptation,” Roberto says. “But I have an incredible wife who trusts and loves me unconditionally, through the ups and downs. She’s the stronger one.”

Now, they share their love with their three kids aged 19, 16 and 13. “We involve them in everything. And they’re so fortunate to get to know the same man I fell in love with so many years ago, easy-going and loving as before.”

What keeps their love going? “Lots of laughter, patience, trust and respect,” says Roberto. “And learning that men have to do the housework, too. Tammy is a happy woman when she comes back to a clean home.”

“We are more in love now than when we first met.”

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ENJOYING LIFE’S SIMPLE PLEASURES TOGETHER

Ling Kin Huat, 62, president of a voluntary welfare organisation, and Yap Kim Har, 60, senior principal associate engineer.

Celebrating their 25th anniversary.

“My wife doesn’t like to travel! ” Kin Huat grumbles as Kim Har hands out packs of pineapple cookies from their recent trip to Cambodia to celebrate their anniversary. Kim Har laughs, saying she wasn’t cut out for the rugged paths and steep slopes in Angkor Wat.

Even so, the two make it a point to go on a trip every year to spend time together. This year, they’re planning to visit their only daughter, who’s studying in London.

“My wife also doesn’t like to dine out, you know,” remarks Kin Huat.

A big smile spreads across Kim Har’s face. She leans forward and says softly, “It’s because my husband can cook very well. I only know how to boil soup.”

Because he knows she loves his stir-fries and other Hong Kong-style dishes he learnt from his mother, Kin Huat tries to cook three meals a week for her. When he goes overseas on business, he stocks the fridge with food she likes.

The couple were colleagues and friends for seven or eight years before they started dating in 1991.

Already familiar with one another, having seen each other every day at the office, they decided to get married after a year.

No need for big, sweeping, romantic gestures – Kim Har says the little moments they have together are good enough. “I work late, so if he buys me a bouquet of flowers, I won’t have time to look at it. But he drives me home from the MRT station every day after work. These are the things I really appreciate.”

“Aiyah, I am the driver,” Kin Huat declares. But he adds: “And it’s my responsibility to her. I think that as husband and wife, we really complement and understand one another. We’ll keep taking care of each other.”

“I work late, so if he buys me a bouquet of flowers, I won’t have time to look at it. But he drives me home from the MRT station every day after work.”

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THEY KEPT THEIR RELATIONSHIP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS

Sarojini Padmanathan, 54, director of Professional Board Administration and Cell Therapy Facility, Health Sciences Authority, and Padmanathan, 56, contract performance manager.

Celebrating their 30th anniversary.

“We met in junior college in 1979,” Sarojini recalls. They didn’t go out very much as a couple, but they shared common classes and studied together. “I had a curfew and I couldn’t stay out with him. I had to come up with stories to explain to my parents why I was out late.”

The couple only told their parents about their relationship seven years later – when they decided to get married. “Arranged marriages were still very common 30 years ago,” Padmanathan says. 

He believes that if their parents had known about their relationship when they started dating, they would have been pressured to get married right away. “We definitely weren’t ready for marriage yet, not until I’d at least finished national service and university!”

In 1987, their very traditional parents threw them a lavish wedding, with more than 800 guests. The wedding cards were delivered by hand, saris picked personally from India by the groom’s mother – everything was planned down to the finest detail by their relatives. All they had to do was enjoy it.

It is one of Sarojini’s favourite memories, but not because of how extravagant it was. Rather, she says, “It was the start of a whole new life, from being on your own, to being a married couple.”

“Of course, we’ve had our bad times,” says Sarojini. Along the way, they faced financial uncertainties and had to struggle to support their three daughters, now 28, 27 and 24. When things looked the most grim, she had to remind herself and her husband to remain hopeful.

Padmanathan says that looking back on the good times motivates you to keep going forward. The two strive to live up to their vows and stick it out through thick and thin. He’s thankful that their love has deepened over the years.

On Sarojini’s 50th birthday, he threw a grand party for her with all their close friends and family. “I’m quite pleased with myself, I think I did a good job,” he quips. It’s putting in every bit as much effort as when they first started that keeps their love alive after all these years. 

“I had a curfew and I couldn’t stay out with him. I had to come up with stories to explain to my parents why I was out late.”