“MY BABY IS THE RAINBOW AFTER THE STORM”

Three losses, 10 years of waiting. One mum’s heartbreaking fertility struggle now has a happy ending.

Portrait of Tammy Strobel

Three losses, 10 years of waiting. One mum’s heartbreaking fertility struggle now has a happy ending.

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Four years ago, Felicia Tan watched her babies die in her arms. Her hear t shattered as they took their last breaths shortly after birth. In a span of 11 months, she had lost three babies after suffering late miscarriages* during the second trimester of her pregnancies. Born too early at 23 and 21 weeks respectively, Dominic and twins Elvis and Louis did not survive their extremely premature births.

She struggled to come to terms with her losses. Today, the graphic designer is full of renewed hope and joy. After an emotional decade, she is now mum to a healthy boy – Titus Low – whom she fondly calls her “rainbow baby” in her third and latest book, A Gift From Heaven. “Like a rainbow that comes after a storm, Titus has given me a new chance at motherhood.

We’ve gone through a lot of hardship to have a baby, but the worst is over,” says Felicia, whose other books, To Baby with Love and Lost and Found, detail her traumatic miscarriages. This June, Titus turned one, a happy milestone Felicia never thought she would ever celebrate during those dark days. Even more amazing is the fact that Titus was conceived naturally – after an agonizing, 10-year struggle with infertility. Before, she conceived through in-vitro fertilisation (IVF).

SEARCHING FOR REASONS

After her second tragic miscarriage, she steered away from a nearemotional breakdown by focusing on seeking answers to why she was unable to carry her babies to term. “We didn’t want to rush into another round of IVF without finding out why I kept miscarrying. Moreover, I was so physically and emotionally drained after the second miscarriage,” she says.

Felicia consulted a gynaecologist specialising in high-risk pregnancies and paid over $2,000 to undergo a battery of health tests. She learnt that her blood sugar levels were on the high side, placing her at a higher risk of gestational diabetes. She also tested positive for a type of vaginal bacteria. Her doctor said these two factors might have caused the premature labours. “Even so, the findings were not entirely conclusive. The exact root cause was not found and we ended up returning to square one,” says Felicia.

LETTING NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE

Although her biological clock was ticking away, Felicia decided to take a step back from the mayhem of another IVF procedure to focus on rebuilding her health. She’d had three rounds of IVF. While the treatments had helped her to conceive, they also left her physically, emotionally and financially drained. By then, she’d also grown weary of going in and out of the gynaecologist’s office.

“We did all we could, but things were not moving. I decided to stop all medical consultations and let nature take its course,” she says. Then overweight, Felicia gave her lifestyle a complete overhaul, losing 6kg in under two years through regular exercise such as circuit training, swimming and cycling.

Besides loading up on folic acid supplements, she also downsized her meal por tions as well as her favourite snacks and desserts, swopping junk food like French fries for nutritious avocado shakes. Folic acid supplements reduce the risk of brain and spinal birth defects, and are usually taken by pregnant mums as well as women planning to conceive. Then shortly after she’d told her gynae at her last appointment that “Enough is enough. I’ll see you again when I conceive,” Felicia found out she was pregnant.

A miracle had happened. “Imagine my joy when I peed on the pregnancy test kit and saw the double lines we’d been waiting to see for the longest time. It was the first time we’d conceived naturally – without medical intervention – since we married 10 years ago,” she says.

WAITING OUT A HIGH-RISK PREGNANCY

Even so, it wasn’t time to celebrate yet. With her pregnancy classified as high-risk, Felicia had to undergo even more tests and scans, as well as hormone jabs. She also developed gestational diabetes, which meant constantly monitoring her blood sugar levels and making drastic changes to her diet. She recalls how she was especially apprehensive about the halfway point of her pregnancy, during her second trimester.

Like a recurrent nightmare, the traumatic scenes of Dominic, Elvis and Louis’ deaths came back to haunt her. “Thankfully, work kept me busy during that period. It was also around the Chinese New Year period, so the festive celebrations took the edge off the jitters. The second trimester went by without any issues,” she recalls. In her 35th week, Felicia went into labour and delivered a healthy 2.4kg baby.

This time, the pain of childbir th paid off and she heard her little one’s first feisty cry. Today, she juggles work and mummy duties. But she has not forgotten about Dominic or Elvis and Louis, and visits their niches at Choa Chu Kang Columbarium on their death anniversaries. She intends to tell Titus about his brothers when he is older.

“We want to let him know how hard it was for us to bring him into this world,” she said. Her previous losses have given her a more positive mindset, which helps her deal with the steep learning curve of parenthood. “I’ve learnt to appreciate the small things in life,” she said. “The parenting issues we face, while challenging, are really not a big deal now that the worst is truly over.”

*According to Singhealth, a miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy at any time in the first 28 weeks of pregnancy.

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“WE DID ALL WE COULD, BUT THINGS WERE NOT MOVING. I DECIDED TO STOP ALL MEDICAL CONSULTATIONS AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.”

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TRYING FOR A BABY

According to Dr Christopher Ng, an obstetrician and gynaecologist at GynaeMD Women’s & Rejuvenation Clinic, the best way is to start a family when you are both young. It is important to lead a healthy, relaxed lifestyle with regular exercise, low stress levels and a balanced diet along with pre-conception vitamin and folate supplements, but avoid alcohol and cigarettes.

Instead of taking expensive drugs or having hormonal injections to help you conceive, try a sperm-friendly vaginal lubricant. It helps to prolong the survival of sperm long enough for them to swim from the upper vagina and into the cervix and womb. As it also acts as a lubricant, it can help to relieve the pain of intercourse due to vaginal dryness, a condition called dyspareunia, if needed.

There is no scientific evidence that one sexual position is better than another. However, the missionary position (man on top) seems to be the most convenient, says Dr Ng. Just remember not to wash your vagina immediately after sex. Elevating your bum with pillows helps act as a conception position as it directs sperm towards the cervical canal and uterus. You should stay lying down for at least 20 minutes to avoid the sperm having to swim against gravity. You can also increase your success rate by having intercourse during your most fertile period.

Do you have a real-life drama to share or a true story that would inspire other readers? E-mail us at magsimplyher@sph.com.sg and we’ll get in touch with you.