Stunned by her doctor’s diagnosis, Zhong Peirong found unexpected solace in support from friends, family, and baking.
Stunned by her doctor’s diagnosis, Zhong Peirong found unexpected solace in support from friends, family, and baking.
Zhong Peirong, 26, a preschool educator and founder of social enterprise Bakery Wellness, is the livewire friends describe as “bubbly” and “active”. “All my life, I’ve never had a problem making friends. I talk a lot! ”
However, in early 2015, she found herself crying frequently, and for no apparent reason. This includes the time she was asked to emcee a school event – usually an easy task for her. Peirong locked herself in the toilet and cried for two hours.
Another occasion, she broke down while on her way to Melbourne for her graduation ceremony. “When my friend casually asked why my parents couldn’t come along, I just started crying even though I wasn’t feeling upset at all.”
Her abnormal behaviour intensified when she started work as a learning support educator, a dream job she had been excited about. But she found herself hiding in the toilet, hyperventilating during panic attacks, more than once. In fact, Peirong often felt too upset to go to work and took frequent medical leave.
By August 2015, she was frequently breaking down in tears in front of colleagues and her boyfriend, whom she had been dating for over a year then. “I had no motivation to do anything and he had never seen me like that before. He kept asking when I would feel better.”
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, WEIGHT LOSS, EXTREME MOOD SWINGS
Confused by her emotional changes, Peirong took two months to seek help from a psychotherapist, who recommended she see a psychiatrist, too. Her psychiatrist diagnosed her as having mild depression, and started her on antidepressants. But the medicine didn’t help and she felt worse after a month.
She was also acting out of character and couldn’t control her mood swings. There were days when she was crying one moment and laughing the next. Once, she called her boyfriend 260 times, giving in to a perverse sense of joy at causing him distress.
The emotional rollercoaster wore her out, but she couldn’t sleep. “I’d stay awake all night, making calls to my family, my friends, and helplines. I also logged on to e-counselling chats. I either slept very little, or I’d be lethargic and sleeping a lot.”
Things got so tough that six months into her new job, Peirong had to quit to focus on her recovery. It left her feeling even more lost and upset. “I really loved the job; I’ve always wanted to help children with learning difficulties.”
Usually a foodie, she started losing her appetite, dropping 3kg within months. Her mood swings got worse, too. If calls to her father or friends went unanswered, she’d throw things around in her room, shouting and screaming.
Angry that her boyfriend, who eventually broke up with her, was avoiding her, she tracked him down at his HDB block and up to the highest floor. “I went quite manic, hitting and slapping him. I felt like dying but I didn’t try to jump,” recounts Peirong. “That was the lowest point in my life.”
STRUGGLING WITH THE DIAGNOSIS
Unknown to Peirong then, she was actually dealing with more than just depression. Her psychotherapist noticed that she was unusually anxious and kept repeating herself, despite being on antidepressants. She alerted Peirong’s psychiatrist, who then diagnosed her with mild bipolar disorder, the condition causing her extreme mood swings.
Fear crept in when Peirong was told about her condition. She recalls the questions she had: “How am I going to work in future? Will I ever have another relationship? ” And her biggest fear: “Will I be like my mum and require long-term medication? ”
Peirong’s mum, who is divorced from her dad, has schizophrenia and often shouts at the voices in her head. Describing her “chaotic childhood”, she remembers feeling scared, thinking that her mum was scolding her.
With medication and strong support from friends and her dad, whom she is close to, Peirong slowly got back on her feet.
RESTORING CONFIDENCE THROUGH BAKING
With her father’s encouragement, Peirong started baking and selling pineapple tarts to family and friends to keep occupied. “It was so therapeutic that it really helped me, not just financially, but also to focus better.” She sold 30 bottles of pineapple tarts, donating half of her proceeds to Caregivers Alliance Limited (CAL), a non-profit organisation that supports caregivers with loved ones suffering from mental illness.
Eager to get back to work, she took on another teaching job but had to give it up within months as she struggled with her mental health. This time, she decided to focus on her healing, drawing strength from baking.
In April 2016, she was offered a booth at the Young Entrepreneurs Fair at White Sands mall. Taking the opportunity to raise awareness for mental wellness, she sold cupcakes decorated with words like Brave, Hope and Life. She created a game on myths and facts of mental health and gave away a postcard she had designed, which included mental health information and helplines. She sold 80 boxes of cupcakes and donated 10 per cent of the proceeds to the Singapore Association for Mental Health.
“I went quite manic, hitting and slapping him. I felt like dying. That was the lowest point of my life.”
PERSEVERING THROUGH THE BAD TIMES
Last July, Peirong was featured in In My Shoes, a community project organised by the National Youth Council that celebrated the aspirations of youths who’ve overcome personal mental health challenges. In a video, she urged young people to seek help early if they faced mental wellness problems, and to support their peers going through a rough patch.
By then, Peirong was feeling well enough and started work as a preschool teacher. But the change in work environment overwhelmed her and her mood dipped again. “I’d feel so lethargic, I couldn’t get out of bed and ended up taking MC for a few days.” When the preschool’s principal asked after her, Peirong hinted that she was taking a low dose of medicine for mood regulation issues, but stopped short of disclosing her condition.
One day, she had a panic attack at work and cried in the toilet. At that point, she realised she needed support, so she decided to confide in her principal. She texted her from the toilet. “Fortunately, she was very supportive. She told me: ‘Everything will be okay, nobody will judge you, and everyone is special in their own ways’.”
With Peirong’s permission, she sent a message to the preschool’s Whatsap group chat. It explained that Peirong may sometimes cry uncontrollably and that she just needed some space. The principal also shared a The Straits Times interview, in which Peirong shared her condition, to explain what she was going through.
HAVING A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT
With strong support from her principal and colleagues, Peirong is adjusting well to her job. Last October, in conjunction with World Mental Health Day, the National Council of Social Service invited her and her principal to appear in a video as part of their Speak Up campaign to promote an inclusive environment for persons with mental health issues. She was also invited to share her story at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, and the Singapore Institute of Technology.
The bubbly baker and mental health advocate even initiated The Baker’s Mind project for which she conducted a baking workshop for caregivers of young people recovering from mental illness. The desserts made from that workshop were sold at a flea market at Scape. All the fees from the workshop and 10 per cent from the sales of the desserts were donated to Silver Ribbon Singapore, a non-profit organisation promoting mental health literacy.
Baking aside, Peirong swears by regular exercise, from jogging to hip-hop dance classes and gym dates with friends. “All those endorphins help a lot! When you feel like you can’t get out of bed, that’s when you need to get out and do something to hype yourself up,” she says.
From her experience, Peirong has advice for those dealing with mental wellness issues: Don’t be afraid. See a doctor or a counsellor. With the right support system from your loved ones, we can lead normal lives, too. SH
