We all have subtle, habitual psychological blocks that can get in the way of achieving a goal, experts say. But tweak your thinking and you’ll gain confidence, lose the stress, and get on track. Here’s the deal.
We all have subtle, habitual psychological blocks that can get in the way of achieving a goal, experts say. But tweak your thinking and you’ll gain confidence, lose the stress, and get on track. Here’s the deal.
You set your sights on a goal – running more, getting promoted, eating better. Yet something is impeding your path. “Certain ways of thinking can obstruct you without your even realising it,” says Leslie Sokol, a co-author of Think Confident, Be Confident. These cognitive tweaks seem minor, but experts say they’ll help you blow past your mental roadblocks, so you can make strides faster and more easily.
Assume you’ll get a yes
Going into a situation with hesitation makes you think and act defensively, and that drowns your confidence, Leslie explains. Say you want to ask your manager for a raise. If you enter her office already worried that she’ll turn you down, you’ll be focused on how to cope or change her mind, rather than on the impulses that made you think you deserved the raise in the first place. Here’s how to break this habit: Right before a potentially stressful situation, tell yourself that everything will work out the way you want it to – you’ll get your yes or perhaps some other unforeseen perks. This confidence boost short-circuits the negativity, Leslie says, helping you to perform better and shape the conversation to work for you.
Rewrite your story
To uncover hidden barriers to success, start by jotting down a desired, but so far unfulfilled, goal and what’s holding you up. For example: “I want to go to the gym after work every day, but by the time I get home and eat, it’s usually too late.” A day later, try again, this time beginning with the phrase “The truth is…”. “It’s easy to mentally dismiss troubling truths about yourself, but the act of rewriting forces you to confront the reality of what’s driving your behaviour,” explains Jack Groppel, a co-founder of the Johnson & Johnson Human Performance Institute. You might find yourself admitting, on paper: “The truth is, once I get home I just want to watch TV and zone out.” This kind of honesty identifies the real roadblock. Now, you can address it.
Think big. Even bigger!
We often ignore our most visceral reactions, telling ourselves they’re too extreme to be feasible, notes psychologist Guy Winch, the author of Emotional First Aid. After watching a marathon, for instance, you might think, I want to run this next year! But then you immediately start backtracking: I can barely finish a 5k, and I’d need to start training for a qualifying marathon soon, so probably not. This means you’ll miss out on what could be a fulfilling opportunity. Instead, “visualise what would happen if you did decide to run, ignoring those ‘buts’ for a bit”, Guy suggests. This gets you in the habit of respecting your core instincts. Remember: You can worry about logistics later, once you decide you’re truly game.
To stop selfdoubt, tell yourself that everything will work out in your favour.
