My fiance doesn’t like PDA, while I’m an affectionate gal. It hurts when he doesn’t react to my hugging and is stone-faced. Sometimes, I feel alone in this relationship. How do I deal with this rock?
Better get used to hugging a rock! Everyone has a different comfort level for public displays of affection (PDA). Some people love to slather kisses all over their loved ones in public, while others prefer to keep it looking very country-club civilised. While you may be PDA-crazy, it seems that your man isn’t anywhere near ready for this, and that’s fine. As long as he’s hugging and kissing you in private, and you know that beneath that rocky exterior, he’s into you, now who really cares if people need to see it?
“Erm... I’m about to barf, darling. Please give me some space.”
I’m sort of dating this guy for two months. He’s the type my parents would approve of, but I have little chemistry with him and I pretend to laugh at his jokes – which I don’t find funny sometimes. Am I leading him on? Will I be letting go of someone who is husband-material?
Laugh at his jokes even though you don’t think it’s funny? His name isn’t Jason Godfrey, is it? Is this my wife?! No, just kidding. Everyone agrees I’m hilarious. I think. I digress in the most self-absorbed way possible. Now, if you describe your relationship as “sort of dating” and you force yourself to laugh at his jokes – and your only reason for dating him is because any parent would approve, I think you have just answered your own question.
Husband material isn’t someone whom your parents can spend their lives with, girl. It’s someone you can spend your life with.
Take a pen and paper – and note this down: Forcing laughter decades into the relationship is going to be super sad.
Women are notorious for trying to change their man. They think stuff like, “If I can just get him to stop hanging out with his friends, he’ll spend more time with me”. Take this important piece of advice: If you don’t like how he is right now, you shouldn’t be with him. Truth is, you can’t really change him (overnight or many nights later). It just won’t work.
You absolutely cannot count on people to change. What you can count on: People will continue to do the things they’re so used to doing, because we’re all sad little creatures of habit. And if that (bad) habit is a deal-breaker, be prepared for your relationship to fall apart. Move on, girls, 2020 is around the corner!
This isn’t exclusively a women’s problem; it’s a human problem. Trying to change someone in a relationship is wishful thinking, which will only lead to frustration. The only thing that you can control is how you act and react to the other person. Accept that people are different, and that they enjoy doing different things. Change the way you think because no one is perfect. Everyone has little quirks that are potentially irritating (including you), but the key to a relationship isn’t moulding someone into the perfect mate. It is to meet on middle ground for the relationship to work. This way, you won’t kill each other when you’re 60. Hopefully.
Have any questions about men and their romantically obtuse ways?
E-mail Jason at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow him on twitter (@bigsmilenoteeth) and like his facebook page at www.facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth.
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