ASK JAY

Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our resident guy expert, is here to help.

I’m in a relationship limbo: I’m friends with a guy whom I’ve been dating on and off, but I can’t commit to him wholeheartedly. He still talks to his ex, and it gets on my nerves. I told him that I didn’t like it, but he continues to do so. Is it time for an ultimatum?

You’re in a limbo because you can’t commit for the reason that he keeps talking to his ex? This could well be a chicken and egg situation.

Let me paint this picture: You don’t commit so he keeps talking to his ex. You don’t like that he talks to his ex, and you don’t commit wholeheartedly.

Thus, this continues to be like a whirlpool of non-commitment. Now, how about you take the first step to stop the vicious cycle by committing to him? 

Well girl, the truth is, you can’t expect something from someone if you don’t offer them anything. Now, when you do commit and he continues chatting up his ex, then I suppose it’s about time to push him into the whirlpool of ex boyfriends. Fair.

Your pretty face won’t get you that far with me.

I’m 32, with a string of failed relationships, including a called-off engagement. I have not given up on love, but how do I get back into the dating game? Putting myself on dating sites is out of the question, for fear of embarrassment.

First, you need to get over that fear of embarrassment, especially over failed relationships. And you should know that everyone’s dating history is dotted with a string of failed relationships until they get married – and even so, the jury is still out there on whether it’s going to fail or succeed.

So yeah, don’t be embarrassed. Be embarrassed if you don’t get yourself back out there, and dating sites are an easy way to test the water. 

A good dating site is your first step to getting back out there, so take that first step so you can get to the last step of being happily married someday.

GET CREATIVE TO SPICE THINGS UP!

Long-term relationships have always focused on going on romantic holidays and adding adult toys in the bedroom to spice things up. These are tried-and-tested solutions.

But let’s face it. When the thrill is gone, it’s not about the lack of props or the number of vacations. It’s usually because nothing beats the thrill of being with someone new (again). A sad realisation, I say.

So one solution is taking the relationship to a whole new level: role-playing. Now, I don’t mean in a sexual way. What I mean is going to the “extreme” to be someone else. Think wigs, glasses, accents (good ones preferably), different perfumes, and clothes that change your entire look.

This is about turning yourself into someone completely different and him doing exactly the same. Ever had a thing for guys with a moustache? Get him to grow one. Hate his moustache? Ask him to shave it for a new look.

Want a muscle guy? Get him to hit the gym, because you will too. Get buff because when you feel sexy, you are sexy. The best part about a long-term relationship is you are both going through this together – and you’re not alone in this.

Now have that talk with him, and get that role-playing going.

Have any questions about men and their romantically obtuse ways? E-mail Jason at magherworld@sph.com.sg, follow him on Twitter (@bigsmilenoteeth) and like his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth.

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