Stop the time shaming!

There are moments when all we want to do is nothing. So give yourself permission to achieve exactly that. It’s not being lazy, it’s looking after yourself.

Portrait of Tammy Strobel
Seasons Agency
Seasons Agency

One Sunday last year, after a week filled with deadlines and nights consumed by hosting a visiting friend, I reclaimed my sofa, stayed in my PJs, ordered takeaway and watched a Masterchef marathon. That night, I met two friends who promptly burst my happy, relaxed bubble.

“You stayed inside all day? It was beautiful outside!” said one of them, who’d just run a half marathon. “Aren’t you anxious about starting the week unprepared?” asked the other, who’d used her weekend to grocery shop, clean her flat, walk the dog and get a manicure. Suddenly, my day of relaxation felt like a day of sloth.

It was a classic case of time-shaming. We put so much pressure on ourselves to go, go, go, that a bed day makes us feel guilty, especially when we see others blasting through life. On a typical day, my Instagram feed is a stream of friends touring museums, logging workouts or preparing perfect meals.

According to a recent study, women are actually more stressed at home than they are at work, even if they don’t have kids. I get it. It’s during nights and weekends that life’s never-ending to-do list looms large. If/when we don’t complete it, the shame sets in.

That oft-Pinned quote, ‘You have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé’ is cute, but it’s just personal time-shaming. Sure, we have the same hours as Bey. But do you have a chef, stylist, nanny and glam squad?

“Women, more than men, are built to feel guilty for not being productive” says counsellor and life coach, Ralitza Peeva. “Or when we’re doing one thing, we should be doing another. It’s a draining mindset.” Peeva points out that when you constantly hop from one task to the next, “it can be a sign—if you can’t just do nothing—that you might not be comfortable with youself. Checking things off can be a way to avoid important quiet time.”

It’s good to take a break. And sometimes we have the best insights when doing nothing. Your lazy days (and Beyoncé’s too...) help build future success.

“Some people need more downtime, but everyone needs a time out,” adds Peeva. The next moment you feel like you don’t measure up because you binged on OITNB while your friend powered through this year’s entire Man Booker shortlist, think of it as a day spent taking care of yourself. It’s vital that every now and then, we all make sure our checklist only has one item: do nothing.

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