When it comes to relationship advice, sometimes it’s best to ignore your friends and go to the experts instead. So that’s what we did.
When it comes to relationship advice, sometimes it’s best to ignore your friends and go to the experts instead. So that’s what we did.
We asked…
Cindy Leong
Chief Dating Coach at Divine Connect, a Social Development Network-accredited agency
Ira Suppiah
Solemniser licensed by the Registry of Marriages
Madelin Tay
Counsellor at Family Central, a service by Fei Yue Community Services
You know he’s the one when…
“He constantly talks about your future together. Sometimes, we become so consumed by the dating game that we lose the true essence of why we are dating our partner. Always remember the ‘why’—it’s the basis of building a future together.”
— Cindy
“He has discussed a future together with you, including financial plans, life goals, dreams and aspirations. This is a sign that he’s committed to the relationship. These discussions also allow you to see whether he cares about what you think, and if he shares the same values and priorities. Having a clear vision of your future together anchors your relationship, which will help the both of you deal with the challenges that life will inevitably bring.”
— Ira
“There is an emotional connection and he genuinely cares for you. Also, when you can be yourself, are accepted for who you are, feel safe with him and have your ideas and opinions respected. He will not be someone who forces you to do things that you’re not comfortable doing, and if or when there are differences, will find ways to work through them with you.”
— Madelin
When you get into a fight, make sure to…
“Stick to the point. When couples quarrel, they tend to bring in third parties or previous issues, like what other people have said and past mistakes. These things make an argument very unproductive, so stick to the point and be open about how you feel regarding the actual situation.”
— Cindy
“Express your thoughts or feelings with each other openly and honestly. Different upbringings, values and lifestyles can result in different views on issues (such as money matters or cultural beliefs) and these can lead to disagreements. But remember that you’re both on the same team, and it’s not always about ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ a fight. In fact, it’s about learning to agree on some issues, and to agree to disagree on others.”
— Ira
“Make time to clear up the mess. But first, calm yourself down—it’s hard to have a win- win talk when your emotions are not in check as you’ll be in fight-or-flight mode. After the both of you have calmed down, come together to do a debrief of what had happened. You may not find a solution immediately, but it’s important to clear the air to prevent the issues from snowballing. Also make sure to find the right time to have a debrief— it shouldn’t be when one of you is tired or in a rush.”
— Madelin
There’s no such thing as…
“The perfect one. Also, it’s important to understand that there’s a difference between who you want and who’s good for you. Just as you accept him for his strengths, be sure to also accept his weaknesses. For a relationship to grow and deepen, you must be committed to learn and grow together and as individuals.”
— Cindy
“A relationship that’s always smooth-sailing. You and your partner are bound to experience ups, downs and unforeseen challenges, and the both of you will need to make an effort to approach the issues faced with a positive mindset. Couples will go through all sorts of challenges even after marriage.”
— Ira
“‘He should know.’ There’s no perfect partner who can know what you’re thinking all the time. In fact, you should help yours become a better partner by expressing your thoughts and needs instead of hoping that he can read your mind or mood.”
— Madelin
IMAGES UNSPLASH.COM
