Despite living in a world that’s always connected, people are feeling lonelier than ever – and the scary part is it’s contagious.
The average Facebook user has more than 300 friends, so you would think we’re the least loneliest generation. After all, you know what your friends are doing, thinking and even reading at any given moment. However, research that compared people from 1985 to today found that the number of people who have no close friends has tripled. So why are so many of us so lonely?
Catch the bug
A 2009 study titled “Alone in the Crowd” showed that loneliness can spread like a bad cold. “The traditional perspective on human emotion is that emotions are an individual experience. But we don’t just have these emotions, we show them. Other people can read them, copy them and internalise them,” says Dr. Nicholas A. Christakis, one of the researchers in the study. “People can feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by other people,” he adds.
But how does someone “catch” loneliness? “Lonely individuals think negatively about other people,” says John Cacioppo, another researcher from the study. “So if you are my friend, and I started to treat you negatively, then over time, we would stop being friends. But in the meantime, our interactions caused you to treat other people less positively, so you’re likely to lose friends, and they in turn are likely to lose friends.”
Feelings of loneliness often occur when you’re in a new environment, like a new job or country. As the feeling grows, it becomes harder to pick up signals from other people who want to make connections. It can even affect those you are already close to, such as your friends, relatives and lovers.
Alone together
Think you can just message a friend for a quick social hit? A study by the City University of Hong Kong showed that excessive Internet use increases loneliness. It stated that online social contact with friends and family are “not an effective alternative for offline social interactions in reducing feelings of loneliness.” According to Jessica Lamb, a Psychotherapist and Mediator at Relationship Matters, “It’s easy to pick up your phone and check out social apps, or sit in your room with your computer. However, it can be a very solitary activity and lack the physical connection of talking to someone face-to-face. It relies on a person logging in and can be quite superficial in terms of the experiences a person chooses to share; if a person is having a bad day, they may not log in and instead sit on their own, suffering alone.”
Curing loneliness
The whole “no one likes me” feeling can be very disconcerting, but it’s important to remember it might not be real. For instance, your new colleagues might not be ignoring you, but just be really busy instead. Another way to leave your loneliness behind you is through mindfulness. Being in the moment is a good way to be more aware of what’s around you, and more in tune with what people are trying to communicate. Even if you feel miserable in your loneliness – feel it. Properly experiencing those emotions will help you move on from them. If you’re suffering from loneliness, just remember a little bravery goes a long way, and it’s best to break out of the vicious cycle it can create. So take a little risk and talk to someone.
Images 123RF.com Text Karen Fong.
