Ever wondered what it’d be like to hang out with an old flame? Two ex-couples went for dinner and tell us how it went.
Ever wondered what it’d be like to hang out with an old flame? Two ex-couples went for dinner and tell us how it went.
Ruiyi and Nigel,
both 27, were together for close to four years. They broke up in 2012.
Ruiyi and Nigel when they were still dating in 2012.
The exes met for a dinner at Summerlong.
They sat outside to get the full riverside dining experience.
Ruiyi
Nigel
Why they broke up
Ruiyi says: "Nigel was about to finish National Service and was going to leave for university in the UK for a couple of years. We were young, immature and unsure of how to cope with both our own and each other’s emotions. Neither of us were willing to nurture a long-distance relationship, and we didn’t want to drag a dead horse through the mud.”
Nigel says: "Things were going stale and I was tired of working for the relationship after we had several arguments. I thought I was still too young to settle down, but in hindsight, I was just being inconsiderate and selfish.”
How they stayed friends
Ruiyi says: “Nigel has always been one of my best friends, both before and after the breakup. He has been there for me even when I didn’t want to be there for myself. When some other dude broke my heart three years ago, he ditched all his plans and came to my house to check on me.”
Nigel says: “It took a long time for me to feel the full effect of the breakup. And when I finally did, it took a long time for me to stop feeling like I made the worst mistake of my life. Ruiyi taught me a lot, like how to express myself and how to be vulnerable. We continued talking and hanging out. It wasn’t easy but after a while, I learnt to compartmentalise things, so meeting her became easier. It helps that we really care for each other.”
How dinner went
Ruiyi says: “Dinner was great! Every time I meet Nigel, it feels like I’m meeting one of my oldest and closest friends. We catch up once in a while, as all close friends do. I think we have an unspoken understanding that we’ll let the other party know if something major happens. I’ve learnt to stop regarding Nigel as my ex.”
Nigel says: “Since we’re both so busy with our lives, we seldom talk or meet up, but when we do, it’s not uncomfortable or awkward. It’s also nice to hear about her family. I wouldn’t call her a confidant, but if I ever needed someone to talk to, I know I can turn to her because she’s probably one of the few people who understands me best.”
One piece of advice on staying friends with an ex
Ruiyi says: “Be sure that the ex you want to stay friends with has your best interests at heart. After all, that’s what friends do. The [change in relationship dynamics] will be rough, but if there’s patience and genuine care for each other, you’ll be able to ease into these little shifts and rediscover an unconditional love that time cannot touch: friendship. "
Nigel says: “Know why you want to be friends with this ex. Many a time, people stay friends because they still have feelings for each other and want to look for avenues to get back together. That will not help the friendship."
Summerlong
Here’s how Ruiyi and Nigel found the experience at this Mediterranean restaurant with beachside vibes.
Lamb Osso Bucco, $40
“The staff were amazing and the restaurant has menus that cater to different dietary restrictions. I’m lactose intolerant, so I found that extremely helpful. It’s hard to pick my favourite dish because everything was great. We polished every plate!”
- Ruiyi
Whole Roasted Sea Bass, $44
“This was my favourite! The gravy and the softness of the lamb just did it for me.”
- Nigel
Charred Octopus, $34
“I’d have to say the sea bass would be something I’d have again – the fish had a nice, crispy char, soft flesh, and the kale salad that it came with was an absolute 10!”
- Ruiyi
Summerlong is at 60 Robertson Quay.
Suat Yee and Jason,
28 and 27 respectively, were together for four years. They broke up in 2014.
Suat Yee and Jason started dinner with a toast.
They also kicked things off with some guac and chips.
Suat Yee
Jason
Why they broke up
Suat Yee says: "I wanted to end things two years into the relationship because I just didn’t feel same affection for him anymore. We talked about it and stayed together for another two years, but in the end, it became clear that I no longer wanted to stay in the relationship – he wanted to settle down and I just couldn’t commit to [marriage]. That’s why we broke up.”
Jason says: "We simply had differing views on life. I had my own expectations of the relationship, as she did, and compromising just seemed too hard for either one of us each time, which resulted in a strained bond. Also, I’m the sort to want to settle down, but unfortunately, we weren’t on the same page, so we decided it was best that we stopped seeing each other.”
How they stayed friends
Suat Yee says: “The breakup hurt during the first couple of months and I never truly got over it since four years is a long time. But I’d say social media turned what was left of our relationship into a friendship. We check in on each other from time to time. I believe we’ve been handling [our friendship] quite well and I’m glad.”
Jason says: “If I remember correctly, the breakup wasn’t ugly and we still talked to each other occasionally. I tried to keep an open mind. As much as I don’t fully understand love, I also don’t understand how people can be strangers again when they were once closest to each other.”
How dinner went
Suat Yee says: “The dinner was great and it felt like meeting an old friend, but not quite. We don’t really talk that often though we’ve tried to arrange a meetup. I think it’s difficult when one of us gets into a new relationship, which he did.”
Jason says: “I was amazed at how much the both of us have grown up. It was almost like I was having a meal with a childhood friend. While we do check on each other on social media, we haven’t had anything like this dinner. I can’t even remember if we ever met as friends after our breakup. But I wouldn’t call her a confidant; she’s more of a dear friend whom I once shared something special with.”
One piece of advice on staying friends with an ex
Suat Yee says: “Don’t hold grudges, especially since time helps to put things in perspective. It also helps to accept the fact that what happened, has happened. I think you shouldn’t shut out someone you used to be intimate with, unless the reason for the breakup involves some sort of disrespect, like cheating."
Jason says: “There’s no one solution to fix things, but as long as that person didn’t hurt you on a level that hurt your mental health, they’re still worth being in your life. Everyone makes mistakes and time heals everything. But if you think that not being around that person will make you healthier and happier, then just don’t stay friends."
Super Loco Customs House
Suat Yee and Jason had dinner at this Mexican restaurant that offers panoramic views of Marina Bay. Here’s how they found it.
Tostada de Atun (yellowfin tuna tartare), $15
“It’s got great ambience and a marvelous view, and it helps that the staff were attentive and polite. The food was nothing short of amazing.”
- Suat Yee
Cerdo (roasted pork belly), $30
“We had a splendid time. I’ve never had Mexican food and am glad I had my first Mexican meal here because the food is really great.”
- Jason
Elotes, $7
“This was my favourite.”
- Jason
“This is really good! I would absolutely recommend it.”
- Suat Yee
Super Loco Customs House is at 70 Collyer Quay.
Want to dine at Super Loco Customs House? Flip to p9 for a chance to win some vouchers!
Images Summerlong, Super Loco Customs House
Illustrations Diane Ng Rose (www.dianengrose.com)
