We all know thinking positively is easier said than done, so we gave psychologists our most common self-hateisms and got them to share a few tips on how to really turn those around.
We all know thinking positively is easier said than done, so we gave psychologists our most common self-hateisms and got them to share a few tips on how to really turn those around.
“I’m just not good enough”
“People might develop this belief during childhood if their parents were overly critical or set excessively high standards,” says Dr Timothy Sharp from The Happiness Institute. Take some time to focus on what you’re good at and forget about being perfect. When you’re trying too hard, it often leads to avoidance, so nothing gets done. Instead, adopt the mindset that doing something OK is better than doing nothing at all. This will lead to more productivity and, ultimately, more happiness.
“I’ll always be alone”
The dangers of a negative mindset is it can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. As Dr Sharp explains: “People who think like this may develop behaviours that are unattractive, or that turn others away if there is some attraction.” For every negative thought you have, try to give yourself a compliment to even out the scale. Having realistic expectations of The One – i.e., they may not necessarily be perfect – is crucial. Psychologist Sharon Bent also says your happiness shouldn’t solely depend on your relationship status. “Embrace responsibility for your own contentment and develop strategies [that don’t rely on finding The One] to enhance your sense of purpose,” she says. “Start doing something you feel passionately about. This will give you a more positive mindset, which will make you more attractive to others – and up your chances of meeting a partner.”
“People just don’t ‘get’ me”
Seriously, you might just be too hard on yourself. It’s most likely a misinterpretation of what you think people are thinking. If someone seems to give you the cold shoulder, don’t overreact. There could be so many reasons why you’re not seeing eye to eye. Ask your closest family and friends for the honest truth about the situation to get a more balanced perspective.
“I’m too fat/short/skinny/tall/pale/dark"
Yes, we’ve all had days when we’ve looked in the mirror and not liked what we saw; when those cute jeans are suddenly too tight. Are we too hard on ourselves? The answer is always yes. As Justin Bieber said, “you should go and love yourself” because this is who you are. It’s going to take a mindset change, from looking at the negative to looking at the positive, so instead of seeing your flaws, you should focus on what you like about yourself, and the things your body allows you to do – like eating fries or orgasming.
“My friends are more successful than me”
In this Insta-age, it’s difficult to ignore the white-washed perfection of your BFF’s (or anyone for that matter) feed. But remember that people only show the glossy sides of their lives. Your friend who’s running a start-up may not be paying herself a wage, and the person who’s always travelling to all these far-flung places is most likely exhausted and broke. In any case, it’s not healthy to compare yourself with them at the expense of your confidence. Ask yourself, “What does success look and sound like to me?” You might find your vision is very different from what you see your friends doing – and this will keep you grounded and remind you about what you really want.
“The world’s a terrible place”
With so much happening in the world, you can be forgiven for wishing some things were different (like global warming). But it’s important not to lose perspective. “There are, and always will be, bad people, injustice, inequality and more,” explains Dr Sharp. “But there are also many good things in the world – there are people developing cures for illnesses; people who volunteer to save lives and help those in need; there are some who donate time, money and resources to wonderful charities and causes... and this occurs every day.” Take a more balanced view of the world and you’ll have a more positive outlook.
Images 123RF.com Text CLEO Malaysia.
