After all, you want that relationship to last, right?
After all, you want that relationship to last, right?
If you live in Singapore, chances are, you already speak multiple languages. But are you fluent in any of the five Love Languages? Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, has been proclaimed a relationship saviour, with thousands of readers testifying to the book’s ability to improve their relationships. The different Love Languages refer to specific ways people wish to receive love – but while you may be faithful to your SO, there are likely a few other people you’ve made a commitment to, share goals with, and that you see at least five days a week: your colleagues (and your boss, of course).
First, you need to find out what language each person responds best to by testing them all and taking note of which they react most favourably to. If they begin to reciprocate a certain behaviour, or seem to be more amicable towards you, you’ve probably uncovered their Love Language.
Now, it’s time to express your newfound “commitment”. Of course, we’re not saying you can wine and dine your boss into submission if your work is sub-par, but healthier relationships at work can equal a happier life at work (and we all spend way too much time there as it is).
1/ Words of Affirmation
Everyone appreciates a genuine compliment, but words of appreciation go even further with those that use this as their primary Love Language.
If someone seems to be feeling underappreciated, casually bring up a project they recently completed, and mention a specific part you think they did particularly well. Watch out for the frequency in which you do this with your boss, or you risk being labelled a suck-up.
2/ Acts of Service
This language is expressed by taking on something that will make another’s life easier and more convenient. Phrases such as, “Can I help you with that?” are ways to communicate this offer.
Busy day at work? If you notice that your boss has back-to-back meetings all day, offer to pick up lunch for them when you head out. Not all heroes wear capes, and you could be saving your boss from getting “hangry”.
If your workload is lighter than usual, offer to help out on projects – this also shows initiative, something your boss (and the colleagues you help out) will likely remember.
Conversely, this also means that your boss loathes laziness, and will definitely notice those who procrastinate because this just makes their lives harder.
3/ Quality Time
For some, nothing is more precious than time spent together. Being present in the moment and actively listening are key elements to this Love Language.
If this is your colleague’s Language, this means they want your undivided attention when the two of you are communicating – be it during a one-on-one conversation, or in a group meeting. Actively participate in group events and work retreats – your efforts won’t go unnoticed. Spending time with the people you manage is important as well as it fosters trust and teamwork.
4/ Physical Touch
Some people are touchy-feely and feel the most loved through physical signs of affection. However, we admit this might be a difficult one to work on in the office. To avoid crossing any boundaries, we’re going to suggest this is more about body language than actual touch.
The way you hold yourself can say a lot about how you’re feeling without you even knowing it. Crossed arms demonstrate defensiveness, while crossed legs suggest vulnerability, so relax a little and adopt an open posture when you’re around your colleagues.
Another good trick is to subtly mirror the body position of the person you’re talking to, as this creates synergy and connection, and puts the other person at ease.
Being a good reader of body language will also help. Try to understand, from their posture and how they hold themselves, what mood your colleague or boss is in, then act accordingly.
5/ Receiving Gifts
Some like love to be more tangible, which is where gift-giving comes in. Again, this could be difficult in the office – no one wants to be accused of bribing the boss!
We aren’t suggesting bribery to get that promotion you’ve been working towards, but some bosses really do respond best to gifts. While this may sound materialistic, it’s all about the effort and thought put in. Writing a heartfelt e-mail can be just as meaningful and less awkward. And, of course, buying snacks for the office is a time-honoured tradition that’s always welcome.
Images 123RF.com Text Claire Soong.
