It’s hard not to wonder if you’ve made the right moves in life when success isn’t in clear sight. Fortunately, Karen Fong finds out it’s not the end of the world.
It’s hard not to wonder if you’ve made the right moves in life when success isn’t in clear sight. Fortunately, Karen Fong finds out it’s not the end of the world.
When I celebrated my 25 birthday, I did it at a fancy restaurant, with 25 cupcakes and sparklers for candles. Everyone got dressed up and the whole evening felt very chic, very cool, and very adult.
And then… I got made redundant. It was my first real job, and it ended unceremoniously with me crying in the lobby, comforted by the security guards. It didn’t help that I broke up with my boyfriend of five years the week before that.
It felt unfair. I’d spent the last few months doing everything I’d been told was necessary to get ahead. I pitched ideas, I took initiatives on projects, and I volunteered for jobs, but it never really felt like I was getting anywhere.
It was by chance that this avalanche of woe shook my confidence, but lots of my friends were going through similar issues, trying to figure out if they were on the right path to… somewhere.
Insta-success
It’s so easy now to trawl the Interweb and look into other people’s successful lives. Taylor Swift, Kylie Jenner and Aimee Song are perfect examples with their Instagram-worthy lives.
And here in Singapore more so than anywhere else, we might be used to the idea of getting somewhere fast. “Moving from a third world to a first world country in such a short span of time has shown us that it’s possible to progress quickly,” says Shaen Yeo, founder of Positive Education. This, combined with how fast technology lets us get information and “waiting doesn’t seem like a pleasant thing anymore.”
This might be why when life gives us lemons, we just see the sour side. “The world in general has gotten smaller – you could be working with an overseas client while based here, or run an online business. With technology, there is a sense that things are within reach. On the flip side, it’s harder, because too much choice can create paralysis and you end up not doing anything or feeling overwhelmed,” says Shaen.
Training your brain
The good news is, these feelings of uncertainty don’t really last and we have science to thank for that. The frontal lobe, the part of the brain which we use to plan for the future and tackle difficult questions, doesn’t reach maturity until we’re in our mid-twenties. Things like decision-making, impulse control, logical and organised thinking and even personality development aren’t fully formed… yet. This could explain quite a lot (yay science!).
Also, let’s be honest, if you’re just getting into your first (or even second) job, there’s still quite a lot to adjust to. It’s not school anymore and no essay or exam really prepares you for “the real world.” At the end of the day, you just need to go out there and try, try again. So you have to put in the hours – hey, even Taylor Swift spent years writing songs before the Grammys started flowing in.
And it’s OK not knowing exactly what you want because everyone else feels the same – they want to be further, and fast. Recruiter Miriam Leung, Director of Aquis Search, says that many of her younger, 20-something candidates ask a lot of questions, and need a little more guidance than the senior executives she deals with. Having said that, she doesn’t feel this is a bad thing. “[Junior executives] looking to take new steps in their career are more serious than we sometimes give them credit for, looking at long-term career prospects.” She says many of them “want to properly develop in a company, and build good relationships, internal and external.”
Anywhere is better than nowhere
We might worry about where we’re going, what we’re doing and how we’re going to get there but at the end of the day, the important thing is to do something. “Focus on what you’re good at,” says Shaen. “Choose activities where you can leverage your skills. The more you do them, the more you know what you’re capable of, and that builds confidence.” The worst thing you can do is to just worry while doing nothing. “Change is always motivating,” adds Miriam. “Only by moving out of your comfort zone will people actually improve and advance [their careers].”
Congrats! You’re an adult
Let’s be honest – these are the real tests of adulthood.
1. You know how to do the laundry (without breaking the washing machine).
2. You can cook a decent meal from scratch.
3. You don’t hold your breath when you use NETS the week before pay day.
4. You own real workout clothes, and not just team building tees.
5. You have a savings plan…even if it just means not spending everything you make each month.
