Ever since I started working in magazines, my boyfriend has been begging me to anoint him the “anonymous guy who gives advice”.
Obviously, I didn’t trust him. I mean, this is the boy who bought me a juice cleanse for Christmas; then a pair of sneakers the following year. (Though, to be honest, I enjoyed both. Just not the horrified looks I got when telling smug people who were wandering around with delightful jewellery from their significant others…)
But lately, I’ve had to admit that my friends take his advice very seriously. So, upon their judgement, and so I don’t have to buy him a birthday/ Valentine’s Day present this year, I’m finally giving him his heart’s desire.
Behold, some not-so-anonymous advice on what guys wish you knew about Valentine’s Day:
Flowers are stupid.
“We really don’t understand why you like them. They last about 30 seconds until they fall to pieces on the floor, they smell like grass (honestly), and they’re hard to take home from the office. We only get them because you seem to like them.
In the occasion we do buy them….
“We have no idea what flowers you like. I’ve made the critical error of never finding out what flowers Claire likes (guess she knows that now!). At the moment, my criteria when ordering flowers are ‘colourful, ‘big’, and ‘able to deliver on the same day because I forgot’. Ladies, do us a favour – to avoid getting a bunch of daisies mixed with sunflowers and roses, write down your fave bunch in a place that’s easy to find.”
For guys, Valentine’s Day is for impressing your friends/workmates (not you).
“Don’t be fooled, there’s only one reason we sent gifts to your office on Valentine’s Day – so all your workmates and Instagram friends can see them and say how awesome we are. Because if you buy your girlfriend a gift, and it’s not seen or ‘liked’ by others, did it really happen?”
No, boyfriend, it didn’t. So looking forward to you decorating my desk with a giant burrito this year…
Top 5 Things to spend those Ang Paos on
1. Senior Designer Sheryl’s totally roar-some dino costume, which is guaranteed to make you twerk better than Miley. $70, Ezbuy.sg.
2. These perfumes, which are my dream aesthetic, and that I reviewed on p36. Maison Margiela Replica Dancing on the Moon and Flying, $159 each.
3. Monogram everything so your sister can never steal your gorgeous bag/wallet/diary again. Thedailyedited.com.
4. The most amazing/ terrifying Gudetama phone case to send everyone subliminal messages about how much you care about their problems. $32, Etsy.com/thunderbuddystore.
5. A maple syrup block you can grate onto EVERYTHING. US$16.99, Tonewoodmaple.com.
Photography Nyen.
